NoPrivacy
United States
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
yuen
Australia
Not now, mate
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
not telling you my name
Elkhart, United States
Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML
Username
Brooklyn, United States
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
shittysongs
Bothell, United States
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
Anonymous
Newcastle Upon Tyne, United Kingdom
SHAME! SHAME!
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Mandi
DELETE! DELETE!
Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML
Madridsta
Rialto, United States
Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
PeePee
United States
We heard you
Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML
DonPedro
United States
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Taylor Page
Gainesville, United States
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Top comments
Wheredidgrungego 12
"You need a new job, you need a new job."
twifan1901 0
Why would you do that?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
MrSassypants 34
I usually sing "Sing along, sing along, sing along to this song." Over and over again. Maybe your boss would have joined and you guys could have become good friends.
flockz 20
OP, you're fired.
theDeafAids 3
hahahaha you have a very appropriate picture for this fml!
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Sounds like you'd show great promise in today's record industry. Quit your job and become an award-winning musical sensation! To top it off, have your albums covered by Beiber and Skrillex.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
The pure essence of today's music industry. Don't hate, flatulate!
br0ccoli 15
Do you think you have a voice with a pitch only dogs can hear or something? You should make friends with the girl who talked to herself on the way home. I think it's a match made in heaven.
rightside5 2
That's totally something I would do=P Singing about random "shit" is fun!
flashback.miss 28
"Sittin' on the toilet, sittin' on the toilet"~~~ Gotta flush...~~
ClosetTroll 10
You could have improvised on the spot. 'I need a shit, I need a shit, I need a shit to give about the world around me.' Any present day pop star can rake in millions with this shit.
dino2muffin2 0
I thought girls didnt shit!! Wtf?!?
SmittyJA24 26
You need a new song-loop playing in your head. Have you tried changing radio stations there at your work??