NoPrivacy
United States
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
yuen
Australia
Not now, mate
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
not telling you my name
Elkhart, United States
Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML
Username
Brooklyn, United States
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
shittysongs
Bothell, United States
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
Anonymous
Newcastle Upon Tyne, United Kingdom
SHAME! SHAME!
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Mandi
DELETE! DELETE!
Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML
Madridsta
Rialto, United States
Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
PeePee
United States
We heard you
Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML
DonPedro
United States
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Taylor Page
Gainesville, United States
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Top comments
Wheredidgrungego 12
"You need a new job, you need a new job."
twifan1901 0
Why would you do that?
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Comments (128)
perdix 31
Is that a Rebecca Black song?
KiddNYC1O 22
"Friday, Friday. Gotta take dumps on Friday."
kriz_allizwell 6
"which seat should i take?" duh, toilet seat. Then, when youre finished, baby, electric chair.kthxbai.
KiddNYC1O 22
I would've went with "Which stall should I taaake?"
SignUpisntcool 3
I sang it as the song I'm on a boat.
kellandj2019 7
Very good I will probably have that stuck in my head for a while now! :)
ilikeapplejuice 7
Hey when you gotta go, you gotta go. Just next time keep the singing to a minimum
RedPillSucks 33
Way to preempt your boss "Don't give me any of that shit" "I'm not taking any shit from you" Now he knows you have none to give or for him to take.
perdix 31
And he won't be saying, "I'm gonna stick my foot so far up your ass . . ."
Scands_59 14
That's a funny song :)
BunBunBabe 8
Surely it's not the WORST thing to have your boss overhear. But I wonder to what tune you sang this
perdix 31
On the days your bowels are a bit looser, make sure you have this one in your repertoire: Some people think it's funny But it's really hot and runny Diarrhea, Diarrhea . . . Everybody!
perdix 31
Green? Green?!?! Did you go to Vegan sleep-away camp? There are dozens, nay rather, hundreds of verses to this humorous ditty. Your boss could potentially be entertained for years!
challan 19
Thanks, guess what songs stuck in my head now?!!! Lol When you're running from police, And you feel that anal grease...
therealslim 15
It comes from your bum like a bullet from a gun, diarrea
drdraaman 0
When you're sliding into third, And you feel a juicy turd, Diarrhea, Diarrhea! When you're walking down the street, And brown comes splashing to your feet, Diarrhea, Diarrhea! When you're-...I think you get the picture.
xoashley223xo 2
When your climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter, diarrhea
eirianna 0
Tell your boss they should make up songs about what they are about to do. It really does make life more enjoyable lol.
itsalanis 25
Lol OP, what made you think the workplace was the right place to say that?
Steve95401 49
It has a catchy beat and you can dance to it. I give it an 85, Dick.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
They're just jealous they can't come up with such great toe-tappin' beats. Obviously trying to cash in on OP's talent.