Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML
Today, I walked into my boss’s office for a serious meeting. While I was talking, I felt something on my arm, looked down, and realized it was a giant spider crawling up my sleeve. I tried to casually shake it off without screaming, but I just ended up doing a bizarre, silent dance in front of my boss. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table, and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML
Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
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Top comments
sirsquab 12
Why do you hate spiders? Most of them are harmless and they kill mosquitoes and other bugs. They're quite helpful. Kidding. Seriously, **** spiders.
perdix 31
In this economy, you should be much more out-of-work-phobic, so sort your phobias out and deal with the little bug in the glass (and hope it doesn't escape, heh-heh-heh.) Or get some old lady to swallow it. I don't know why.
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Comments (118)
heythere131630 9
Kill the spider. When he comes back and ask where it is tell him you ate it, then tell him that your master made you do it... And he's next.
heythere131630 9
Sorry... Dracula reference here. :)
SApprentice 34
I love it. Consider this an excellent time to face your fears, OP. Become friends with the spider. Make it your companion. Fluffy will never judge you.
betseyville 6
A while ago, my mom caught a huge daddy long leg and kept it in a jar for 2 weeks just to **** with me. We joke a lot like that, but that was too far haha.
kittykat1501 31
Wow. Those things eat other spiders, mosquitoes, biting flies, and other unpleasant things. The kicker? They are incapable of biting a human, so they are harmless even though they are extremely poisonous
hannaaaahr 33
do you by any chance work with Hagrid?
Angel1000168 16
I love you! That was my first thought too. HP FTW
ambear26 14
Same here haha :p
nikkinurse 10
The. Cognitive reasoning behind being afraid of spiders is pointless. I am afraid of them and am totally aware that they are 1/100000 my size- and cant actually hurt me! It is an internal repulsion that is hard to break - I wouldn't work next to one unless my kids depended on it and I would look for another job- seriously
MigraineurOfLife 15
Oh... but they CAN hurt you! A Black Widow & a brown recluse are just two of the poisonous types. ;P"
TheNewGuy03 29
Look up the Brazilian wandering spider, which is frequently found in shipments of bananas. It will change your life.
obsydian_fml 3
Phobias aren't usually rational by default. I respect spiders but if ones near me, especially a big one as op says, I'll become a mess of a panic attack and can't breathe and start crying. Can't help it and I've tried so hard to. :(
ktc24 3
Fluffy?!
RealReality 12
If your boss knows you are have this phobia and still does this, I really feel for you. Bad bosses are everywhere.
MrArmy 1
I'm sure she said nothing to her boss about her phobia. She is most likely just being passive aggressive.
outoftown 27
If her boss knows and still does this, he's creating a hostile work environment. That's illegal.
sucky_a_m 9
People are real jerks when they don't share your fears. Get rid of it. If he does fire you sue for wrongful termination of employment.
funsize1752 7
In a jar, it will be dead soon anyway. Poor thing.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Fluffy? That THING has a name?