Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML
Today, I walked into my boss’s office for a serious meeting. While I was talking, I felt something on my arm, looked down, and realized it was a giant spider crawling up my sleeve. I tried to casually shake it off without screaming, but I just ended up doing a bizarre, silent dance in front of my boss. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table, and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML
Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
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Top comments
sirsquab 12
Why do you hate spiders? Most of them are harmless and they kill mosquitoes and other bugs. They're quite helpful. Kidding. Seriously, **** spiders.
perdix 31
In this economy, you should be much more out-of-work-phobic, so sort your phobias out and deal with the little bug in the glass (and hope it doesn't escape, heh-heh-heh.) Or get some old lady to swallow it. I don't know why.
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Comments (118)
nuffsaidboutthat 4
I shall call him Fluffy and he will be my very own Fluffy
kittykat1501 31
This is satisfying
jayhawkchik 4
You can sue him for creating a traumatic work environment.
KatjaM 15
Your boss is an ass. I love spiders, but I can understand if someone doesn't like them. Try and find someone at work that will release it outside.
KatjaM 15
Just because someone has a fear, it doesn't make them a wuss. You're insensitive and narrow minded.
bioboy725 10
I don't get why so many people are scared of spiders. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Levvy 22
Just remember: To judge from this comments page, the important thing is you are bad and evil for having a reaction above "fear/hate/kill" because an animal is insufficiently pwetty.
obsydian_fml 3
Phobias. Us that are afraid of them can't help it.
Dcm210 19
He can't do that, talk to someone in charge of him.
LuckyLynx7732 5
Thats not exactly true. My friend got bite by a brown recluse on her inner thigh and ended up in the hospital for about a week with blood poisoning. She has a wicked scar from it and they were seriously considering cutting off her leg.
LuckyLynx7732 5
All you need is a few drops of fingernail polish remover in the jar. Problem solved.
PhishloverA 14
Just leave it in the jar OP it can't get you. Your boss is really trying to piss you off though by putting a spider near you when you're arachnophobic
CustardAndPie 13
No offense, but as an arachnophobic myself I can tell you that you don't know enough about phobias to comment on this. If you think just leaving it in the jar and saying "it's can't get you" are solutions, you've never had a phobic reation. Phobias are neither reasonable nor controllable, and they can cause minor symtoms such as light sweating and slight discomfort to major ones like panic attacks, difficulty breathing, and can ause irrational reactions such as just outright quitting a job so as not to be near the trigger. (Which is what I'd do. There have been times when I've been unable to entern my house because I've seen a spider in there, and times when I've phoned the emergency services struggling to breathe through panic attacks.) The boss is in the wrong, here, and OP needs to file a complaint. (Or have someone free the spider, and then when fired, he/she can sue for wrongful dismissal.)
DanteKanji 1
You could potentially file for harassment. He is forcing you to work in an uncomfortable environment for fear of being fired. It might be a stretch, but it sounds plausible