Noisy lover

By Foxy17 - 05/08/2020 05:01

Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 148

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Same thing different taste

By HeartToFart - 08/07/2014 23:37 - United States - North Port

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 757

You deserved it 6 723

Feelin' sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2020 20:00

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 148

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 04/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend refuses to follow her doctor-mandated diet, which results in, among other things, utterly rancid gas. It's so foul that I've taken to sleeping on the couch, and I'm seriously considering hiring a prostitute so I can have sex without gagging on the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 196

Pros and cons

By Nope - 10/11/2023 12:00

Today, my girlfriend only gets horny on her period. Unfortunately, she also gets extremely gassy, so I get to smell her vile farts the entire time. I think this relationship is turning me asexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 139

Power moves

By Travis - 10/09/2021 22:59

Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 1 188

Bricked up

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 22:00

Today, I have erectile dysfunction but have also recently gotten a girlfriend. She is very understanding but I decided to try viagra to get things going. I had the rare reaction of a boner lasting hours that put me in hospital. I can’t win, it’s either no boner at all or a boner that tries to kill itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 171

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:28 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 235

You deserved it 6 803

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 121

You deserved it 5 475

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 230

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 17:30

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 027

You deserved it 176

WintressSoldier37 27

Wednesday 5 August 2020 5:46

Your wife seriously needs to be more understanding! Life happens. Sorry OP

TCRII 29

Wednesday 5 August 2020 6:00

First of all, let’s all agree that 69 is out of the question.....

Comments

WintressSoldier37 27

Wednesday 5 August 2020 5:46

Your wife seriously needs to be more understanding! Life happens. Sorry OP

TCRII 29

Wednesday 5 August 2020 6:00

First of all, let’s all agree that 69 is out of the question.....

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 5 August 2020 6:36

I agree! And definitely not a rusty trombone!

Allsmash123 10

Wednesday 5 August 2020 6:08

Your pfp is a girl how are you gonna get an erection lol

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 5 August 2020 14:35

I know it's not virile to have trouble getting an erection, but you don't have to classify yourself as a woman.

Mathalamus 24

Wednesday 5 August 2020 16:24

Let’s see, staying Ali e with no erection and farts, or risking death. It’s an easy choice.

26octhumbug 13

Thursday 6 August 2020 2:59

Talk to your doctor, there might be alternatives to consider

kt80_9800 12

Thursday 6 August 2020 7:07

Tell your doctor about this there are often other alternatives. But please don’t just stop taking them or you’ll be even worse off in the end.

Jonkbaby 22

Thursday 6 August 2020 16:17

I wonder if I have that same medication, I've been farting it up lately

BurnInDemonFire 33

Friday 7 August 2020 1:53

Buy a buttplug.

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The Top

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 814

You deserved it 2 837

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

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You deserved it 589

The Top

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 381

You deserved it 35 725

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years moved in with two other women. He's spent the past 2 years telling me he can't afford to move out of his parent's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 984

You deserved it 2 591

Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 144

Today, ever since he got out of jail, my brother thinks it's hilarious to use the skills other inmates taught him to break into my house, setting up pranks, or watching tv and waiting for me to get home. It's mostly harmless, but it is still majorly pissing me off. Should I call the cops if he continues? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 129

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 159

You deserved it 4 279

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 329

Same thing different taste

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