Intimacy: Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks...

By Anonymous - 06/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 495

You deserved it 45 420

Intimacy

The smell detective is on the case

Age difference

Triage

By :| - 22/10/2013 01:40 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 100

You deserved it 2 997

By Jack - 09/08/2016 00:23 - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 926

You deserved it 1 339

By JoshWontonDo - 03/05/2016 15:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried to charge my phone at school by removing the socket for the fan. All the computers in the room turned off. I accidentally removed the power cables for the computers and got suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 175

You deserved it 15 021

By 464424 - 05/05/2012 06:24 - United States - Dayton

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 413

You deserved it 8 196

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 19:02 - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 857

You deserved it 9 829

By Anonymous - 28/02/2013 22:33 - United Kingdom - Newtownards

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs at college. I was taken to hospital with a fractured ankle and had to call my parents to drive me home. They constantly made passive-aggressive remarks on the way home, because I'd "totally ruined" their plans to eat out at a fancy restaurant tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 650

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 13:30

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 556

You deserved it 312

By Thorin - 25/01/2010 21:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I cut myself deeply with an expensive razor that advertised it's impossible to cut yourself with. Twice. Guess I always was an overachiever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 378

You deserved it 6 653

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 11:49 - United States

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 847

You deserved it 64 677

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 439

You deserved it 12 126

Sounds fishy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 11:01

Today, I told my wife I wasn’t comfortable with her going out with an old guy friend. Petty, sure, but our sex life is non-existent. I found out that she's been seeing him behind my back for months, spent the night with him last week and claims there’s nothing going on. Trying to decide whether I should stay or go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 967

You deserved it 158

By Nice guy finishing last. - 07/04/2017 12:00

Today, I saw a girl I have a crush on sitting on a fountain, away from everyone. I thought this would be the perfect time to make a move on her. I tapped her on the shoulder, which scared her. She nervously flenched and began to piss herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 308

You deserved it 882

By Creepedout - 25/06/2013 01:27 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 035

You deserved it 4 664

Slimed

By Hashtagfail - 04/08/2021 10:01 - Netherlands

Today, I went outside to feed the hedgehogs who often visit my garden. It was late in the evening and dark outside. I was walking barefoot, when I suddenly stepped on something. It felt soft and splashed apart under my foot. I looked and realized that I had stepped on a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 280

By str3tch - 03/04/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression I was as polite as possible and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 764

You deserved it 3 368

Heretic!

By hail science! - 21/04/2020 08:00

Today, my sister-in-law is refusing to let me or my children be a part of her kids' lives. She’s even going as far as trying to make my brother stop speaking to us as well. Why? Simply because I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 331

By Anonymous - 19/09/2016 14:03 - United States

Today, because of the gas crisis in my state, we had to stop taking delivers at the pizza place I work at. Someone asked if we could walk it to them. My manager agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 766

You deserved it 807

Have a good one!

By suuuuuupucci - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 128

You deserved it 3 476

Free kick

By steph - 01/06/2009 04:50 - Canada

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 304

You deserved it 38 176

By Anonymous - 02/01/2010 22:27 - United States

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 068

You deserved it 6 461

By Ferniferousfern - 02/03/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 845

You deserved it 311

By Forever alone Guy - 19/02/2013 23:07 - Australia - Narre Warren

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 072

You deserved it 3 813

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 842

By sexybelly - 26/03/2015 08:35 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 815

You deserved it 4 601

Smooth talking

By Anonymous - 07/05/2020 23:00

Today, I downloaded Hinge for the first time, only to have the first guy I match with to tell me, "I can’t wait to breed you and to knock you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 230

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 177

You deserved it 2 363

By Alex - 30/09/2009 06:46 - Belgium

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 580

You deserved it 5 364

By Anonymous - 06/08/2010 16:34 - United States

Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 663

You deserved it 15 226

Just ask

By Messy love life - 19/02/2021 12:31 - India

Today, I casually hooked up with a guy with no strings attached. Later, we had a great conversation and I suddenly realized that I have feelings for him. He wants nothing even close to a relationship and probably doesn't like me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 225

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 344

You deserved it 1 829

By Krystl - 18/09/2016 16:35 - Australia

Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 881

You deserved it 2 119

Fight!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 06:00

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 171

By charlie043 - 11/09/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 801

You deserved it 41 941

By JoLaFritte - 07/11/2008 10:10 - France

Today, thinking that I’m alone at work, I start rummaging through my nose trying to find something interesting. It’s only after about a minute that I notice that my boss is looking straight at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 935

You deserved it 50 329

By burn - 01/08/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 902

You deserved it 3 475

By Anonymous - 16/04/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 3 384

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:01 - Netherlands

Today, at 2 a.m. I heard a noise coming from the living room. I thought somebody must be breaking in, so I had to save my cats. When I opened the door, all I could see was the only plant I owned, all over the room. The cats just greeted me with a friendly purr, like they were happy I was joining them in their sandbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 195

Witches Brew

By Hellassi - 09/07/2021 00:01

Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 95

By fuckerman - 03/05/2009 03:47 - Canada

Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 524

You deserved it 4 355

By asdfghjkl - 18/12/2010 19:14 - United States

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 252

You deserved it 3 909

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Top comments

xlord 27

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 11:20

Wasn't that the reason snapchat was made?

dancingprancer 6

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 11:21

opening snapchats in front of people can be risky! especially if you have weird friends like me lol

xlord 27

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 11:20

Wasn't that the reason snapchat was made?

PIGaming 21

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 12:32

Surely, if your partner sends you nudes via a certain app, you wouldnt open an unkown picture and show it to your friend

cheshireau 26

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 14:57

She should have viewed it first and if it was decent, screen capped it.

James_is_Mexican 25

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 17:58

Well, what did your friend think?

miianah1 22

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 19:24

Anyone else notice that he's OP's NEW boyfriend and he's already sending her pics of his penis?

aimeegoldberg 22

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 19:27

Welcome to the 21st century, pal.

pjsr 32

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 19:58

Yeah, was her response 'Your life sucks' or 'Your a great person - You deserved it'?

brandoneyez1 25

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 20:29

This is pretty much why I thought snap chat was created. The minute I heard how it worked I knew how it would be used. Horrible.

brivielle 15

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 22:51

yea ...i noticd

scubanick 10

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Thursday 8 May 2014 23:16

And?

MrConcise 34

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Friday 9 May 2014 1:01

@67 - I still laugh at people trying to defend its use as a legitimate instant messenger.

Scotticus117 11

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Friday 9 May 2014 12:46

Honestly. They just added the instant messaging feature. I just kinda use it to text girls with pictures attached and document "my story." Haven't used to sext yet lol

MrConcise 34

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Friday 9 May 2014 20:41

@90 - You're the type of person I laugh at when it comes to Snapchat, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

dancingprancer 6

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 11:21

opening snapchats in front of people can be risky! especially if you have weird friends like me lol

EphMi 5

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 15:51

or any new messages that you haven't seen before!

Venasaur1 9

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 19:22

OP should just tell her it's a mushroom. A very ugly mushroom.

mb2_native 15

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 21:00

I take it you never seen one before, a better explanation is a baby's arm holding an apple?

sarah2144 14

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 11:22

You mean you can figure out the new snapchat? It feels like there should be a fucking class for it.

NoMore_CoolNames 14

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 15:31

I need them to explain like I'm 5.

viva_la_blondes 15

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 15:44

Unfortunately I think a 5 year old might understand it easier these days.

the_real_dvd 21

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 15:50

It's easy. Swipe left to talk, swipe right to shoot. The other buttons are menus to access your contacts or your account.

Lacist 19

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 17:09

Then there's messages that stay if one or the other users press it, some chats disappear, live only works after like 30 seconds of holding, different settings for sending photos to people on your camera roll, shows someone is typing sometimes and sometimes not, stacks snaps you sent into a single message (makes people not realize you sent more than one image), replaces opened messages, unclear compatibility with older snapchats/phones, and hideous layout.

NoMore_CoolNames 14

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 21:33

tl;dr snapchat became confusing for no reason

Dillyduzit 23

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 11:28

You never know what a snap is until you open it. You had the lady balls and risked it, YDI. Sorry, OP.

Kamon97 23

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 16:06

Should've at least took a quick peek before showing her friend though

xxtaaayxx 6

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Monday 19 May 2014 14:00

What does OP mean???

derp_taco 22

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Sunday 23 November 2014 21:09

Onion Pickle

WhatsYOURname6 25

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 11:28

Hmm you should always check a snapchat from a guy first.. Especially if it's your boyfriend haha.

datguy69s 21

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 11:32

At least she saw what he looks like (if you know what I mean)

91hayek 31

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 13:26

You know, the day is coming where instead a police line up of faces they are going to do it with penises and the victim of the crime will identify the criminal from his penis. "That one. Yes. He is Carlos Danger. I'd know that penis anywhere."