Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally...

By Abrams52 - 28/5/2013 05:44 - United States - Fishers

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

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Intimacy

Instadrama

Time don't heal nothing

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 14:00

We hear it was a great show!

Today, I was supposed to be going to Edinburgh to see my favourite band live. I was expecting to be picked up at 8 a.m. for the drive there, but I woke up to a text saying my friend bought tickets for the wrong city. The show he paid was for 2 days ago. FML

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By Kagura - 2/6/2010 15:05 - Turkey

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked: "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML

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By sad - 17/6/2016 22:37 - United States - Belleville

Today, I found a new way to tell if my girlfriend is on her period. If she responds to "Want me to get you anything while I'm at the store?" by screaming "God just fuck off, you cunt!" then bursting into tears, the answer is a definite yes. FML

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By _whyy_mee - 2/7/2015 18:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my neighbor yelled at me for driving recklessly. I was going 35 mph, and she was stopped in the middle of a road around a blind curve. My "reckless driving" was slamming on the brakes so I wouldn't hit her. FML

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By fuckingfloridahowihatethee - 26/4/2014 19:55 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

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By PineapplePizza - 15/8/2016 07:41 - United States - Irwin

Today, I should be starting my last year of college next week. But no. My old advisor messed up my schedule so badly that there's no way I'll graduate for another year. So I'll be in school five years for a four year program because as a freshman I thought my advisor was helping me. FML

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By dating a moron - 14/12/2014 17:30 - United States - Dearborn

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 00:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

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By IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit - 1/4/2015 02:15 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML

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By rkaneki - 9/11/2019 20:00

Twice error

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

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By AwkwardWaitress - 20/3/2011 23:29 - United Kingdom

Today, while serving drinks at work to a group of people getting tipsy on wine, I joked about it being obvious who the designated driver was to the only gentleman who'd been religiously sticking to coke all night. He coldly informed me that he was a recovering alcoholic. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2013 23:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2013 15:56 - United States

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

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By RC3Welly - 9/3/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2018 15:00

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

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By RuinedTheMood - 21/9/2014 05:11 - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

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By Benchlover - 10/10/2016 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

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By Alice - 30/8/2015 12:13 - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

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By kdubz23 - 17/2/2014 22:41 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

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By Hth - 15/1/2009 11:14 - United States

Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer. I grabbed the menu at the restaurant, glanced at the page, and tried to do CTRL+F to find seafood. Geek coming through! FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

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By ReallyMom - 9/1/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

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By ClutchJunkie - 5/12/2016 15:44

Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into burst into flames when I tried to start it. FML

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By MadameM - 26/2/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2012 01:11 - United States

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

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By PissNTra - 19/7/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

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By names suck and so do I - 8/8/2013 12:54 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

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By shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa - 29/3/2015 14:03 - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

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By NotThatButton - 11/9/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 21:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML

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By Krissy - 6/4/2012 02:11 - United States

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stops and asks if he can eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

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By poordog - 5/1/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

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By Foreveralone - 9/4/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

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By RyoKioKio - 30/5/2017 20:00

Today, just like every day for the past two weeks, my mother has told me just how much she doesn't want me to move out. I, once again, have had to remind her that she isn't the one I'm trying to get away from. I'm not a fan of being repeatedly smacked with a coffee mug by my 78-year-old grandma. FML

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By SwedishBozo - 15/3/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

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By lovedoesnotexist - 24/9/2015 11:52 - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

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By haters - 9/5/2019 12:00

Today, while in a meeting for work, my boss expressed how much he likes everyone at our site. But before continuing, he looked at me and said, “Everyone but you, that is.” FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

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By fatgirl4 - 20/7/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

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By thisismyawkwardface - 19/2/2014 07:17 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML

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Top comments

By Dave_Davington | 33

#5510313 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:34

Bromance?

By perdix | 29

#5510365 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:08

Bra, bra
Ma, ma, ma
Gaga, ooh la la.

You and me could write a rad bromance.

Comments

By Dave_Davington | 33

#5510313 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:34

Bromance?

LeonnJ | 13

#5510321 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:39

A pretty weird bromance

perdix | 29

#5510365 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:08

Bra, bra
Ma, ma, ma
Gaga, ooh la la.

You and me could write a rad bromance.

NeatNit | 32

#5510366 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:09

#21 what are you on

perdix | 29

#5510373 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:15

#22, Sudafed, ibuprofen and Tylenol.

You've never heard Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance?"

greenmen | 12

#5510425 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:02

He is so romantic

Ambient25 | 24

#5510447 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:25

*bromantic

Grex_fml | 9

#5510538 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 15:51

"Haaaay waddup?"

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5510597 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 17:14

You know their a good friend when they don't judge you, you know their a great friend when they help support you!

twaumat | 28

#5510631 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 18:31

they're*, or they are*.

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5510919 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 23:20

Yes my bad, your right ;) (I did it on purpose!)

tjv3 | 10

#5511175 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 2:42

Umm hopefully as a joke or this could get awkward fast

botanistjessica | 24

#5511248 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 4:00

So I'm guessing "your right" instead of "you're right" was on purpose too?

By xALEXx_fml | 15

#5510315 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:35

Kinda deserve that one but your life kinda sucks!

Caitie_kid | 8

#5510398 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:33

Meh. He was probably joking.

fareith | 15

#5510560 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 16:14

"Kinda" sucks? Are you implying that he's "kinda" gay?

MrBean1561 | 5

#5510576 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 16:37

You're an idiot!

dakatabg | 31

#5510676 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 19:45

Here starts the fun

ROSI3TH3CAT | 18

#5510731 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 21:33

Well, kinda.

By masterofflight | 8

#5510316 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:35

well...at least he got lucky...

By 8eight8 | 14

#5510318 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:37

that's hilarious!

By Hollandiscrazy | 12

#5510319 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:38

"Best friend" just got a whole new meaning.

Somefruits | 24

#5510429 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:03

Best friend with benefits!

perdix | 29

#5510577 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 16:38

*hole new meaning,

YWIA.

By MrClean17 | 15

#5510320 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:38

Ive never personally done it but that sounds like a perfect example of how you know you two are friends

YeahYeahYeahOK | 6

#5510432 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:08

Yup, shit happens!

Horsempeg | 25

#5510490 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 14:46

Right, be happy he took the joke!

By Summoner_T3L | 15

#5510323 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:39

Maybe your friend is into you or maybe he's joking around. but YDI for not Quadra-Checking who you sent that to.

perdix | 29

#5510356 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:00

Is that the OCD version of double-checking?

mattlw | 25

#5510471 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 14:12

Nah, that would be octochecking.

Whiskey team, on me.

By Bluu67 | 3

#5510327 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:42

That's cute...

andy1500726 | 19

#5511337 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 5:05

that's cute. lol

By bballer4life895 | 13

#5510343 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:52

I have a feeling you guys are going to be so much closer now.

AthiestNun | 11

#5510583 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 16:46

"I got your back bro."

By Ariet | 20

#5510347 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:54

Hahahaha! Wanky ;)