Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally...

By Abrams52 - 28/5/2013 05:44 - United States - Fishers

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

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Intimacy

Proactive

All for nothing

Great speech, thanks!

By Rodrigeuz26 - 22/1/2010 07:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

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By holly10350 - 14/10/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

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By random - 6/5/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 20:56 - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

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By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

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By dirtyfoot - 18/1/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

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By ReallyRyan? - 1/9/2018 06:00

Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have any symptoms because he's pretty much immune to it. Also today, my boyfriend had to run to the ER because he got poison ivy on his genitalia. I knew they spent way too much time together. FML

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By reallydevonte - 1/8/2016 17:30 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML

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By Angela - 27/2/2011 01:56 - United States

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

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By Tray - 25/9/2017 20:13

Con Artist Kitty

Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

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By firebombtimEFUCKERS - 29/9/2012 16:32 - United States

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

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By Rebecca - 16/4/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

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By dilligaf - 27/9/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML

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By CalebNotShomo - 25/12/2014 15:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I saw my ex boyfriend walking down the street in my direction. I've put on a bunch of weight since we broke up, so I turned to look in the nearest shop window, hoping he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he did see me, looking straight at a KFC. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2011 05:12

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

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By thatsucks - 28/2/2009 11:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2012 10:03 - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2014 12:18 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, we had a meeting at my job and we had to introduce new ideas to our boss. Earlier, I was talking to one of my close friends who also attended the meeting about my idea. As we start the meeting, she decides to steal my idea and take complete credit for it. My boss loves "her" idea. FML

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By void bowels() { cry(); } - 26/11/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

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By musicthief - 22/10/2012 22:51 - United States - Finleyville

Today, I saw my music teacher, who I considered one of my role-models, on TV. Too bad it was because she'd robbed a church. FML

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By belly the jelly - 30/10/2017 21:00

A job well done.

Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML

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By now my watch begins - 31/7/2017 04:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

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By ...loud noises...urgh... - 2/11/2011 16:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

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By HitbyIce - 7/2/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2014 01:03 - United States - Bay Shore

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2013 15:45 - United States - Newark

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

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By WTF - 22/4/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

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By donotbelieveinsecondchances - 2/3/2015 14:04 - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

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By anonymous - 30/10/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

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By Beeper - 11/10/2014 19:07 - United States - Champaign

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2013 23:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

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By daddy - 22/12/2008 05:43 - France

Today, someone stole both rear view mirrors from my scooter. And where was the police? They were 500m down the road, waiting to stop me for not having any mirrors. FML

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By tsunami - 10/9/2018 03:30

Time to move out!

Today, my mother took my brand new PS4, which I haven't even played yet, and threw it out the window while I was at work. When I asked her why, she said she was mad that we didn't have any paper towels left. FML

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By givingup - 30/1/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2013 07:02 - Israel

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

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By jjcod - 31/5/2014 09:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

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By dancer, not a hooker... - 5/5/2013 05:01 - Canada - Penticton

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 14:00

Lightweight

Today, I have a hangover. From one small glass of pink Cava. FML

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Top comments

By Dave_Davington | 33

#5510313 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:34

Bromance?

By perdix | 29

#5510365 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:08

Bra, bra
Ma, ma, ma
Gaga, ooh la la.

You and me could write a rad bromance.

COMMENTS

By Dave_Davington | 33

#5510313 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:34

Bromance?

LeonnJ | 13

#5510321 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:39

A pretty weird bromance

perdix | 29

#5510365 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:08

Bra, bra
Ma, ma, ma
Gaga, ooh la la.

You and me could write a rad bromance.

NeatNit | 32

#5510366 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:09

#21 what are you on

perdix | 29

#5510373 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:15

#22, Sudafed, ibuprofen and Tylenol.

You've never heard Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance?"

greenmen | 12

#5510425 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:02

He is so romantic

Ambient25 | 24

#5510447 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:25

*bromantic

Grex_fml | 9

#5510538 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 15:51

"Haaaay waddup?"

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5510597 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 17:14

You know their a good friend when they don't judge you, you know their a great friend when they help support you!

twaumat | 28

#5510631 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 18:31

they're*, or they are*.

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5510919 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 23:20

Yes my bad, your right ;) (I did it on purpose!)

tjv3 | 10

#5511175 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 2:42

Umm hopefully as a joke or this could get awkward fast

botanistjessica | 24

#5511248 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 4:00

So I'm guessing "your right" instead of "you're right" was on purpose too?

By xALEXx_fml | 15

#5510315 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:35

Kinda deserve that one but your life kinda sucks!

Caitie_kid | 8

#5510398 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:33

Meh. He was probably joking.

fareith | 15

#5510560 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 16:14

"Kinda" sucks? Are you implying that he's "kinda" gay?

MrBean1561 | 5

#5510576 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 16:37

You're an idiot!

dakatabg | 31

#5510676 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 19:45

Here starts the fun

ROSI3TH3CAT | 18

#5510731 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 21:33

Well, kinda.

By masterofflight | 8

#5510316 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:35

well...at least he got lucky...

By 8eight8 | 14

#5510318 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:37

that's hilarious!

By Hollandiscrazy | 12

#5510319 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:38

"Best friend" just got a whole new meaning.

Somefruits | 24

#5510429 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:03

Best friend with benefits!

perdix | 29

#5510577 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 16:38

*hole new meaning,

YWIA.

By MrClean17 | 15

#5510320 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:38

Ive never personally done it but that sounds like a perfect example of how you know you two are friends

YeahYeahYeahOK | 6

#5510432 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:08

Yup, shit happens!

Horsempeg | 25

#5510490 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 14:46

Right, be happy he took the joke!

By Summoner_T3L | 15

#5510323 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:39

Maybe your friend is into you or maybe he's joking around. but YDI for not Quadra-Checking who you sent that to.

perdix | 29

#5510356 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 12:00

Is that the OCD version of double-checking?

mattlw | 25

#5510471 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 14:12

Nah, that would be octochecking.

Whiskey team, on me.

By Bluu67 | 3

#5510327 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:42

That's cute...

andy1500726 | 19

#5511337 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 5:05

that's cute. lol

By bballer4life895 | 13

#5510343 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:52

I have a feeling you guys are going to be so much closer now.

AthiestNun | 11

#5510583 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 16:46

"I got your back bro."

By Ariet | 20

#5510347 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 11:54

Hahahaha! Wanky ;)