Today, as I'm a blonde expat in China, I'm used to people taking...

By Caro38 - 7/5/2014 05:10 - China - Wuhan

Today, as I'm a blonde expat in China, I'm used to people taking pictures of me in the street. Nevertheless, I was surprised when someone climbed over the toilets in a mall to take a picture of me as I was changing my tampon. FML

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Miscellaneous

Healthy relationship

Property law

Daydreaming

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:01

Invisible Woman

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 14:20 - United States - Rhodes

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

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By 3lavyaa - 7/10/2009 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turn's out I have woodrot, and my entire window fell out. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2017 23:46

Today, I had to do an assignment about my greatest achievement and about an award I've received. I don't have either. FML

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By Jade - 25/4/2011 13:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

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By quirrus - 7/5/2012 09:42 - United States

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

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By peachmelba - 1/2/2011 20:26 - Denmark

Today, I spent most of the day doing a project for school. When I finished, I got a call from my project partner. She couldn't finish her part because her internet didn't work. When I finally finished everything, I went on Facebook. She was on Facebook too. FML

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By frenchgirl - 23/11/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

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By O_o - 9/2/2014 00:42 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

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By heyyoitsapotato - 31/5/2013 02:35 - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

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By pinkrazrgirl247 - 3/7/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

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By Xanadu - 16/4/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

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By depressed - 3/9/2013 21:43 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

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By nevasurprised - 10/1/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

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By hell - 14/11/2015 21:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

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By Dulieu - 10/2/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2016 17:31

Today, my elderly coworker was telling me about a long-lost friend, so I helped her use the Internet to look the friend up. We found her. Specifically, her obituary. FML

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By speechless - 2/11/2010 17:20 - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2013 19:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML

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By JRLJLS - 15/4/2013 09:09 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

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By oc_cheergirl - 6/4/2011 02:32 - United States

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 20:00

My stupidity

Today, I got my period and went clubbing. I had to change my tampon and stupidly I only brought one, when I unwrapped it, it fell on the floor, I had to wait in the girl's bathroom for 45 minutes for a random girl to give me a spare. FML.

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By Disrespectful - 18/1/2017 09:01

Today, my boss fired me for "disrespecting" him after I told him to fuck off. This would be understandable, if I hadn't said it when he was at my house for dinner, harassing my wife with suggestive poses, heavily implied comments, and trying to put his hand on her crotch. FML

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By lovecrisis247 - 19/12/2010 07:46 - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

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By NotBeingPaidEnough - 3/3/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

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By apparentlytoougly - 27/3/2013 07:29 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

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By WhyMe? - 1/3/2011 13:24

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

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By wahwah - 23/10/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

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By jasmith - 18/11/2012 07:45 - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

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By purpleivy - 6/9/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

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By News-print Face Kate - 18/7/2012 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, a man slapped me in the face with his newspaper because I didn't get out of his way fast enough at the train station. I guess he didn't notice I was on crutches. FML

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By Kirta - 9/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

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By Stiny - 1/6/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, I got kneed in the stomach by a sixth grader. I couldn't breathe. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. FML

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By moon_paw - 28/11/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

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By NotRussian - 3/10/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2013 16:05 - United States

Today, I had to walk home in the rain because my mom didn't want to get her new car wet. FML

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By Minecraftwhyyy - 22/8/2012 15:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

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Top comments

By mfmylifesrsly | 29

#6698517 - Monday 3 October 2016 10:21

Why are we suddenly getting old fmls lol

By LyricaSilvan | 29

#6698549 - Monday 3 October 2016 12:22

That moment when you can tell the admins are already getting tired of repeating themselves.

COMMENTS

By mfmylifesrsly | 29

#6698517 - Monday 3 October 2016 10:21

Why are we suddenly getting old fmls lol

Mons_fml | 27

#6698520 - Monday 3 October 2016 10:38

Haha! Theres a shortage on personal stories! We gotta be more enviromental and recycle.

LyricaSilvan | 29

#6698549 - Monday 3 October 2016 12:22

That moment when you can tell the admins are already getting tired of repeating themselves.

CliffyB03 | 28

#6698570 - Monday 3 October 2016 13:26

You're my favorite admin

CasiusCorvus | 10

#6698754 - Monday 3 October 2016 22:45

Every time I see you I pronounce your name as "Uhlawn" for whatever reason. just thought I'd let the world know.

Agent JPN | 9

#6698780 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 0:43

Not enough new content is being submitted so FML is recycling old material as "new" to keep the website looking active

J352SAURUS | 30

#6698784 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 1:42

Not when it was what?! Oh the suspense!

By Mightytall | 35

#6698519 - Monday 3 October 2016 10:31

Zero personal space perception ...
I noticed that working with Chinese co-workers

By xDailyVidsx | 9

#6698522 - Monday 3 October 2016 10:40

I hope they got your good side!

By ab290 | 10

#6698523 - Monday 3 October 2016 10:44

did u pout or smile?

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6698526 - Monday 3 October 2016 10:53

And just like that a line is crossed...

By emh86 | 14

#6698527 - Monday 3 October 2016 10:54

That's just bloody rude

By ronbach | 8

#6698528 - Monday 3 October 2016 11:04

Whats an expat?

Rawrshi | 25

#6698535 - Monday 3 October 2016 11:40

Basically someone living in a country where they don't have citizenship. Usually temporarily.

chinaski7628 | 32

#6698649 - Monday 3 October 2016 17:37

Just to add to that, it's short for ex-patriot and can often be long term, not necessarily temporary.

andrmac | 25

#6698776 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 0:11

A white immigrant that feels that would be disgusting to be called an immigrant.

Maximusmime | 20

#6698803 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 2:51

Shut up.

chinaski7628 | 32

#6698842 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 5:08

35, immigrants become citizens in their new country. Expats retain their citizenship from their country of origin.

hyperreader | 15

#6699171 - Wednesday 5 October 2016 0:51

It is short for expatriate no ex-patriot. I burst out laughing when I read that.

By qiqi2562513 | 2

#6698554 - Monday 3 October 2016 12:35

I'm so sorry about this! That is really rude!

By RichardPencil | 28

#6698596 - Monday 3 October 2016 15:04

I guess they wanted to know if the carpet matched the drapes.

By theFickleFinger | 24

#6698620 - Monday 3 October 2016 16:41

I had a similar experience as a man in China where guys would look over the stalls to "get a look at me." I felt it was more curiosity than anything else so I didn't get overly offended, but it is creepy, and surprising, as hell.