Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
Today, I thought I heard a nasty storm brewing, even though there was no warning that one would occur. I then realized it was one of my cats, stuck behind a chair and trying to escape with little success. Yes, her escape attempts were that noisy. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I got home from a long day at work, hoping to just fix dinner and relax, only to find that my cat had come into the house with a rabbit, and is now stuck underneath the cabinet. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Today, my cat somehow managed to lock me out of my apartment by jumping on the doorknob while I was taking the trash out. I had to call a locksmith, and now it's like my cat won't even come near at me, like I betrayed him for allowing a stranger into our home. FML
Today, my cat tried to look outside the window in my room by climbing on top of the air conditioner. It's already rather flimsy, as she had broken the accordions with her clumsiness last year. But this time, she somehow managed to make the AC fall out of the window, and she followed along with it. FML
Today, I closed my bedroom door before I went to work this morning so my cat wouldn't chew on the cords in there. When I got back, I couldn't find my other cat anywhere. I went to my bedroom and heard her yelling. She was in there, stuck there all morning and afternoon. Oops. FML
Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML
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Top comments
zombicidal 11
everyone knows its butters "that's me"
stevenJB 25
Lol. All i see is the irony of his cat named "butters" is stuck and can't get free. :3 obvious I know, but i felt like pointing it out.
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Comments (210)
I_Punch_Babies 7
dont miss with your hacksaw. otherwise it would be cat murder. im not 100% on my law knowledge but i hear cat murdering is a feline-y.
vbmg152 19
Get the poor cat out! You don't deserve a pet! You post on here instead of helping the cat? What kind of person are you? You suck!
CustardAndPie 13
Wow, #66, overreaction? In all likelihood, OP helped the cat out first, but worded the FML this way for a more dramatic effect. And either way, this isn't "you don't deserve a pet!"-worthy. Cats are very good at getting themselves into places they shouldn't be. They are equally as good at getting out, they're never as stuck as they want you to think they are, and a lot of the time they scratch the shit out of you when you try to help, and then run off.
nattynatters 14
Agreed. Every FML you write is supposed to be present tense. It could be a story from ten years ago. That's the magic of the Internet.
FatTony2010 4
Shoot the ******.
reddudeover 2
Pretty sure we could figure that one out fat tony. Thanks for the consideration though.
pfclunchbox005 1
So instead of helping your cat. Your posting this??? You must really love your cat
GaleIsHawt 5
You didn't learn after the first time? Get rid of the umbrella stand!
Bluemonster3 26
Kitty :(
DoorMatCat 3
LOL I HAVE A CAT NAMED BUTTERS TOO
iliketurdles 7
LOL WHY ARE SHOUTING?!
GothicAngel17 24
I THOUGHT SHOUTING WAS AGAINST THE COMMENTING POLICY BEcAUSE IT'S ANNOYING AS ****
DoorMatCat 3
ACTUALLY, THE CAPS ON MY KEYBOARD IS JAMMED. I'M NOT ACTIALLY YELLING.
ICastillo 25
Lube that pussy up and pull him out!
Mariebaz 11
What the ****? Meow, that was taking it too fur.
cob05 0
Use the hacksaw on the cat and save yourself an umbrella stand (which is more useful anyway...)
False_Stupidity 42
Why don't you help him that's why he's crying
CRC_101 31
Probably because OP thinks it would be better for Butters to get himself out on his own like he usually does than to use a hacksaw so close to the poor kitty. ^_-