Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
Today, I was making egg salad for the week's lunches and told my son to come help. When we started peeling the eggs, he thought it was funny to roll them off the counter and ruin them. I shouted at him for being disrespectful and wasteful, and my wife screamed at me that, "He's just a little boy!" FML
Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year-old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML
Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML
Today, my one year-old took his diaper off and peed on my chest while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
He was just trying to make breakfast in bed.
truesarrif 33
hopefully it was more hardboiled than scrambled
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Comments (87)
NichEzec 4
you can always record this moment and embarrass him in the future.
OnlyoneCam 3
I'd say beat the shit out of him but that would be redundant!
ThatBoredGuy 4
Bahahahhahahaha this FML made me laugh
Cheshyre38 6
lol