Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, my toddler handed me a present and told me to keep it forever. It was a piece of dog poo. FML
Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, after I warned my son repeatedly that if he wanted a rabbit he had to clean and feed it, I checked on it. It wasn’t just dead, it was dead and rotting in a pool of its own pee and faeces. I yelled at him, but he just shrugged and told me rabbits are boring and he forgot it was even there. FML
Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML
Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML
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Top comments
mpj13 8
How do you even get the two confused?
Werken247 14
Were you and your husband related before you got married? C'mon now tell the truth.
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Comments (112)
xxmckenzierae 5
Are we sure the parent truly knows its a dog turd?
Obey_StudBoii 23
Don't know if I should laugh or feel sorry.
buddy51 23
What does your son have for breakfast?
Needafarm 22
Turds over-easy or scrambled turds. I bet they are delicious.
TomPusslicker 21
Im still trying to figure out why more people think OP deserves it.
bfsd42 20
Because a child's intelligence is greatly related to the parenting they receive in a lot of cases. Quit often, a stupid child implies a stupid parent.
TomPusslicker 21
I understand that parenting plays a part, but on the other hand, the kid is 14. This leaves plenty of time for OP to be made aware of any mental illnesses, and so if this is just a stupid kid, it should come as no surprise to the parent, and so it shouldn't have been submitted as an fml by OP. I deduced that this is a shockingly stupid act by the kid alone. But i cant say that's 100% true, so im still not sure why so many people assume its OP's fault.
Drakorex 10
Stupid kids ermagherd
Andraniki 3
Lol FHL!
EvilUndead 9
Shit happens.
whoknew1 3
how does he confuse the two? does he not take science classes?
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Did you study eggs and dog shit in science class? I must have missed school that day
outoftown 27
It's what happens when home ec isn't taught.
DarkskyFML 5
A fourteen year old can't identify shit, really. We need a little bleach in the gene pool.
benhd1 14
That must come as a great relief OP. Good colleges are expensive