Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, my toddler handed me a present and told me to keep it forever. It was a piece of dog poo. FML
Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, I was making egg salad for the week's lunches and told my son to come help. When we started peeling the eggs, he thought it was funny to roll them off the counter and ruin them. I shouted at him for being disrespectful and wasteful, and my wife screamed at me that, "He's just a little boy!" FML
Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, after I warned my son repeatedly that if he wanted a rabbit he had to clean and feed it, I checked on it. It wasn’t just dead, it was dead and rotting in a pool of its own pee and faeces. I yelled at him, but he just shrugged and told me rabbits are boring and he forgot it was even there. FML
Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mpj13 8
How do you even get the two confused?
Werken247 14
Were you and your husband related before you got married? C'mon now tell the truth.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
doglover100 29
He's 14 can't he tell the difference?
stripeycrakers 7
At least we know its not going to die
1Kiki_babe1 2
14 or 4? Wow...
Mackay92 14
I'm sorry if you're son has down syndrome but if not tell him the ******* difference next he'll be think he is laying an egg
docscientist 10
I'm pretty sure that's offensive to people with down syndrome.
desertlovebird 11
Thats going to be on shitty little bird.
simoncat 11
Am I the ONLY one who thought of Horton? (Horton hatches a crap. Horton hears a poo.) c'mon people...really?
trulymickeyj 13
Your son is freaking weird... please help him...
BookWorm13 3
Kids are just wonderful right?
bmgt 4
Make him take it to show and tell.
DrShrug 3
So many ydi posts... How does she diserve this.... Unless he's a crack baby.