Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, my toddler handed me a present and told me to keep it forever. It was a piece of dog poo. FML
Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, after I warned my son repeatedly that if he wanted a rabbit he had to clean and feed it, I checked on it. It wasn’t just dead, it was dead and rotting in a pool of its own pee and faeces. I yelled at him, but he just shrugged and told me rabbits are boring and he forgot it was even there. FML
Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML
Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML
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Top comments
mpj13 8
How do you even get the two confused?
Werken247 14
Were you and your husband related before you got married? C'mon now tell the truth.
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Comments (112)
Thpwns 5
Did you have the heart to tell him or did you give it back to him
kalbrek009 20
Sorry that your son isn't the brightest crayon in the box. You need to set him straight.
Barbelo 3
Seems like a Darwin Award just waiting to crack open.
jennuhm 4
YDI for not maintaining a clean house and for not teaching your kid the difference between a birds egg and dried up shit
love_me_electric 20
The kid's 14 years old, she shouldn't need to clean his room for him.
Barbelo 3
You've spawned one dumb ************.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Time for extra biology class :)
Raykyogrou03 12
At least he didn't try to make scrambled eggs--you would have to get rid of your kitchen.
wironandine 8
LMAO!!!
jellyghost 12
Just his clever way of saying your a shitty patent
zomgbies 17
Your raised that idiot. YDI