Intimacy: Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and...

By valnaj1 - 25/12/2012 03:03 - Denmark - Vamdrup

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 990

You deserved it 27 752

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 04/04/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 738

You deserved it 4 182

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 817

You deserved it 6 585

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 363

You deserved it 83 146

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 254

You deserved it 4 818

By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 808

You deserved it 1 731

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 189

You deserved it 4 684

Gone girl

By OwndPattie - 20/11/2022 02:00

Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 2 975

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 803

You deserved it 12 122

Teenagers these days

By prostitott - 04/05/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 509

You deserved it 15 382

Frozen

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 10:00

Today, I found out my 15 year-old daughter is sexually active. I found out by finding her in our bedroom with a boy from her class, using one of our condoms. Her dad hasn’t spoken or moved from the kitchen table in over 30 minutes. I think he’s so mad his brain glitched and got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 241

Krirn 21

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:18

Isn't that punishment enough?

ilikebikes7 3

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:18

Poor Thomas.

Comments

douchebag232 2

Tuesday 25 December 2012 20:57

Hey man. Thomas had a "white" christmas thats forsurexD no seriously though. Poor guy. Genetics werent kind to him xD

gillygills 5

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:20

You should beat the hell out of her

ImNoUnicorn 3

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:42

Proud of you

MrsAlexander83 10

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:45

How did you not tear her up?! Looks like you'll be a grandparent in no time at all with those kind of parenting skills.

isamisis 9

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:59

Time to worry how old petite-dick is and if a lawsuit is in his Christmas stocking this year.

btx2 9

Tuesday 25 December 2012 22:13

Youth of the nation

ultra_notorious 26

Wednesday 26 December 2012 20:40

way to attribute a great song to this lousy story

MikeyScene420 17

Tuesday 25 December 2012 22:21

I feel like i know your daughter. By any chance is her name Haley?

paprika_pilipili_fml 14

Tuesday 25 December 2012 23:51

Wow... She decided to be a **** very early. It's definitely an FML to have a daughter like that.

kelly101_ 1

Wednesday 26 December 2012 0:56

and the parent of the year award goes to...

iamlonelybuthapp 3

Wednesday 26 December 2012 0:59

Like mommy like daughter...!!! Both *****...!!!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had a surprise birthday party thrown in my honor. All of my friends and family had been invited, and all of the details were perfect. Who threw the party for me? My ex-girlfriend who I dumped last week for "not being thoughtful enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 049

You deserved it 58 090

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 157

The Top

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 412

You deserved it 1 837

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 648

You deserved it 1 039

Today, I had no money on me, so I asked my husband to put money in the cancer charity box for me. He grumbled about it, then realised he only had £10 notes, so he gave them a tenner but asked the lady if she could break open the sealed box to give him £9 in change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 245

Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 352

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 055

You deserved it 13 447

Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 478

You deserved it 2 277