Intimacy: Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and...

By valnaj1 - 25/12/2012 03:03 - Denmark - Vamdrup

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

agreeclassic 90 053

vote type 1 27 773

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By anonymous - 04/04/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

agreeclassic 46 770

vote type 1 4 201

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

agreeclassic 41 872

vote type 1 6 594

Proud Papa moment

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML

agreeclassic 632

vote type 1 152

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

agreeclassic 34 402

vote type 1 83 212

Future Darwin Award

By don'tdrinkthat - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

agreeclassic 44 626

vote type 1 4 923

By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

agreeclassic 20 881

vote type 1 1 744

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

agreeclassic 46 232

vote type 1 4 714

Gone girl

By OwndPattie - 20/11/2022 02:00

Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML

agreeclassic 339

vote type 1 3 167

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

agreeclassic 44 829

vote type 1 12 132

Teenagers these days

By prostitott - 04/05/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

agreeclassic 69 541

vote type 1 15 401

Krirn 21

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:18

Isn't that punishment enough?

ilikebikes7 3

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:18

Poor Thomas.

Comments

mary1991 0

Saturday 29 December 2012 3:18

Shell be prego by 16, if at 14 shes already doing that...

Niniboo 5

Saturday 29 December 2012 4:33

Damn.... As years pass by the younger they start.

lilmike1220 5

Saturday 29 December 2012 21:40

Freaking EPIC!

carbuncle776 12

Sunday 30 December 2012 3:37

Wth???

brian666 4

Sunday 30 December 2012 8:56

You're a terrible parent.

gameover18 17

Monday 31 December 2012 6:34

I don't know what's worse that a 14 year old had sex or a 14 year old had sex before me, and I'm 18.

jurnee13 6

Monday 31 December 2012 16:28

um. what the ****

Vidimus 13

Monday 31 December 2012 21:19

I'm sorry, OP, but somewhere along the line you didn't do too well as a parent. Step it up.

ShananaginsLOL 13

Monday 31 December 2012 21:31

I hope u at least grounded her op

Night777 4

Wednesday 9 January 2013 15:50

well that's pretty bad

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

agreeclassic 1 829

vote type 1 167

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

agreeclassic 33 756

vote type 1 12 583

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

agreeclassic 24 781

vote type 1 6 714

Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML

agreeclassic 37 411

vote type 1 9 146

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

agreeclassic 10 788

vote type 1 720

Today, my husband has destroyed 4 mattresses in 6 years, not through accidental fires or anything, not even through vigorous sex, it’s just that his 24-stone bulk crushes the springs, wears divots in the memory foam, and eventually splits the fabric so the stuffing leaks out. Every time. FML

agreeclassic 780

vote type 1 220