Miscellaneous: Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week.... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - South Amboy

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

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Mother of the year

Our house, in the middle of our street

Late term

By Thomas - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing happy birthday with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

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By Mortifiedcharityworker - Austria

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

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By My rapey cat (doesn't even have balls)

Today, my 20-year-old sister is taking care of my cat while I am out of state. She sent a photo of him "playing in a silly way" with her kitty. I then had to very seriously explain to her that in the photo, my cat and her cat were trying to make more cats. FML

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By mathesonn - United States - Auburn

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

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By Ow - United States - Golden Valley

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

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By Anonymous - Austria

Today, my bag, including phone, money, keys and cards, was stolen. In a church. During my wedding. FML

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By dodgerkiss - United States

Today, I went to a Dodger game with my crush. Between innings, the "Kiss cam" came up on the big screen. The camera happened to land on us, and when my crush saw us on the screen, he leaned away from me and buried his face in his hands. Everyone saw, and sympathetically said "Awww." FML

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By Screwed - Australia

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

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By drreeeewwww - United States - Salem

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

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By frustrated - Hong Kong

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

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By dajfleasd - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

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By Greg - United States - Livonia

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my finger nail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

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By Lizofsmeg - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML

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By JustABarista

Good Riddance

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

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By yup - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

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By dicedicebaby - United States - Columbus

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

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By floff

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

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By fmylife7721 - Canada

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

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By catlover - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML

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By kelscait - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

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By Mike - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

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By extraflavour - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

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By I Know How to Pick'em - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By Langdon - United States

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

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By TKPhai - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

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By HellaBomber91 - United States

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

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By GTR - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

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By all arsed out - United Kingdom - Spalding

Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2020 17:01

Negotiations

Today, I had to tell my 28-year-old roommate she needs to wash her hands after using the bathroom. She then said she’d try, as long as I try to put my dishes in the dishwasher. Those aren’t even on the same level. FML

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By toothache - United States - Morton Grove

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

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By ICanExplain - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

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By Walmart Associate

Today, I was accused of being a racist whore at work. I had asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

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By -_- - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

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By al0406 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my grandpa and my sister. My grandpa looks over at my sister and says, "Wow. You're so beautiful." Right after, he turns to me and says, "And you have a nice coat." FML

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By bloodyhell - United States

Good God, man…

Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML

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By lovewedge - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML

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By fartwoman - United States

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

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Top comments

By Ch0sen | 13

#4510098 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Wear that hickey with pride, not many can claim the accomplishment of successfully wooing that elusive fellow.

By tennisrapper1 | 14

#4510093 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Hey, at least you're unique! No one else has a neck brace as awesome as you do!

COMMENTS

By horseridermc | 2

#4510077 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

_ebbonyy | 11

#4510096 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Least they'll always remember you for something! think positive :-)

Reply

tennisrapper1 | 14

#4510134 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:19

1 - We don't really care.

Reply

21jason | 9

#4510141 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:20

1) op?

Reply

BitchPlease18 | 6

#4510209 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:31

That sucks real bad! Having to spend your one and only high school graduation in a neck brace that someone else caused you to have. I can only imagine! Hope you can make the best out of your day anyway!

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#4510222 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:34

10 I do.

1 tell a super long story so I could have a good nighty night bed time story.

Reply

horseridermc | 2

#4510235 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:36

Thts kinda harsh

Reply

_ebbonyy | 11

#4510277 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:46

Whoops, my comment was meant to be its own comment. But I guess it works in a reply to 1 as well? :)

Reply

Insane_Tea | 15

#4510417 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:25

Cool story #1. Shall I alert the media?

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#4510689 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:45

^ it wasn't really a story... More like a statement

Reply

LoveMyKoolaid | 0

#4510750 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:05

It could be worse.... You could have broke your neck somehow by that, or you could've ran out of Koolaid.

Reply

Hearon20 | 0

#4510823 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:31

Quit being a pussy. You don't need a neck brace after being hit with a football.

Reply

melikesfml | 11

#4511363 - Saturday 2 June 2012 7:09

I have to wear a shoulder sling to mine. Not only will i not be able to shake anyones hand on stage, i cant even move my arm...

Reply

grapist111 | 4

#4511493 - Saturday 2 June 2012 7:46

On the bright side, i tip my hat to you for receiving a hickey from the jolly green giant

Reply

Vert90 | 11

#4511903 - Saturday 2 June 2012 12:31

57 - You're a fucking idiot. It wasn't thrown by a pre schooler like you.

By tennisrapper1 | 14

#4510093 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Hey, at least you're unique! No one else has a neck brace as awesome as you do!

Reply

soccergurrll | 8

#4510320 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:58

That's true! Although I doubt OP wants to different at graduation by wearing a neck brace. But still.. Memories!(;

Reply

nerobluerose | 10

#4510387 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:19

But that one kid with the sunglasses has flames on his neck brace!

Reply

kandi_kid69 | 15

#4510647 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:30

OP should get her neck braced customized. (: Got to wear it with pride.(:

Reply

dsbs | 9

#4510809 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:29

Damn nigga atleast you educated

Reply

zuzupetalsYO | 11

#4511289 - Saturday 2 June 2012 6:53

Bedazzle heh heh

Reply

DespairFaction | 11

#4511701 - Saturday 2 June 2012 9:43

Screw that I wouldn't wear it.

By Ch0sen | 13

#4510098 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Wear that hickey with pride, not many can claim the accomplishment of successfully wooing that elusive fellow.

Reply

KBeatz | 5

#4510523 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:58

"Ho ho ho!" Green Giant!

Reply

alpaquette91 | 9

#4510735 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:02

Won't the neck brace cover up the hickey?

By Skittles_Rawr | 8

#4510110 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:17

Could be worse... You could've lost your face.

Reply

Amethyst888 | 14

#4510220 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:33

And how does one lose a face exactly?

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#4510229 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:35

14 looks like 5 lost his brain.

Reply

t765234 | 10

#4510379 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:16

14- Ask that guy in Miami, I bet he could tell you.

Reply

Skittles_Rawr | 8

#4510444 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:37

She* thank you...

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#4510573 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:12

Simple #14, you make inane, silly comments... You get ridiculed by your peers... You lose face. :-)

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#4510990 - Saturday 2 June 2012 6:01

34, if you were correcting 17, it would be her, not she. Thank you.

Reply

Skittles_Rawr | 8

#4512231 - Saturday 2 June 2012 16:08

Sorry, my grammar still sucks x( i moved here from Spain a few months ago.

By Drew167 | 8

#4510111 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:17

That's a hell of a way to get a hickey.

By DontModMeDammit | 10

#4510115 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:17

I wish I had my own day at school. Darn.

By Pelvispresley | 8

#4510117 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:17

Well at least you will be remembered...

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4510745 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:03

As the one who had an affair with the jolly green giant.

By 21jason | 9

#4510125 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:18

High fashion!!

By AbbyAbyss | 5

#4510167 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:25

Agh... Im sorry for you OP.

Reply

krazykat794 | 0

#4510679 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:43

What is OP????

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4510702 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:50

Optimus Prime, c'mon we've been over this!

By flockz | 19

#4510227 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:35

are you Jacoby Jones from the Houston Texans?