Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week.... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/6/2012 18:17 - United States - South Amboy

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28505

You deserved it

2033

Tweet

Share

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Who's a good boy?

Hello everyone!

By blarghhhh - 28/2/2016 14:58 - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19921

You deserved it

1348

Tweet

Share

By Username - 17/8/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10635

You deserved it

41644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/4/2016 05:38 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13861

You deserved it

3206

Tweet

Share

By screwed - 24/1/2009 18:56 - Chile

Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12743

You deserved it

29680

Tweet

Share

By daughterofanazi - 8/2/2012 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38595

You deserved it

4616

Tweet

Share

By STIdiot - 17/10/2011 12:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35526

You deserved it

3649

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30066

You deserved it

3866

Tweet

Share

By cutthroatkait - 5/8/2014 22:44 - United States

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42620

You deserved it

2990

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/7/2015 22:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26513

You deserved it

2755

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/5/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64594

You deserved it

8113

Tweet

Share

By zomg - 30/4/2012 09:24 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15552

You deserved it

28982

Tweet

Share

By stinkystinky - 12/8/2016 17:32

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13351

You deserved it

872

Tweet

Share

By IceQueen - 1/2/2014 00:40 - United States - Clinton

Today, I've been without hot water for three days thanks to a frozen water line. I finally managed to thaw the frozen area, only to have the chunk of ice dislodge, slam into a bend in the pipe, and burst the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41724

You deserved it

6045

Tweet

Share

By elisabeth_pwnes - 16/3/2012 10:38 - Norway

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46093

You deserved it

3710

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/9/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33408

You deserved it

6635

Tweet

Share

By stew - 23/6/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48907

You deserved it

3836

Tweet

Share

By zep - 7/6/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20261

You deserved it

79181

Tweet

Share

By SoClose - 3/2/2009 14:25 - Canada

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65599

You deserved it

5452

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/8/2010 21:08 - United States

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25626

You deserved it

9404

Tweet

Share

By jasmith - 18/11/2012 07:45 - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26895

You deserved it

3525

Tweet

Share

By blk8764 - 15/3/2011 22:35 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39443

You deserved it

4755

Tweet

Share

By jerry Jerry Jerry - 15/5/2020 17:00

All in the family

Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1800

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

By blondessdoll - 4/5/2016 17:30 - United States

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13681

You deserved it

1087

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 12/12/2011 00:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30074

You deserved it

2657

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40260

You deserved it

3681

Tweet

Share

By Theo - 18/12/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36722

You deserved it

2210

Tweet

Share

By morgie96 - 19/8/2014 04:11 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41937

You deserved it

8899

Tweet

Share

By stupidteacher - 5/7/2016 15:02 - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14196

Phew, glad it wasn't me

934

Tweet

Share

By NeedHeadPhone - 30/11/2009 16:51 - Canada

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32764

You deserved it

2954

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/5/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51004

You deserved it

6762

Tweet

Share

By Boneo and Juliet - 16/7/2015 19:22 - United States - Amherst

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26728

You deserved it

4941

Tweet

Share

By friendless1004 - 12/11/2015 16:55 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13931

You deserved it

28925

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/3/2012 13:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23234

You deserved it

2841

Tweet

Share

By ptwm - 25/1/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31416

You deserved it

2873

Tweet

Share

By patriarchal apparently - 29/6/2013 19:58 - Saint Lucia

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62837

You deserved it

9881

Tweet

Share

By brokeandsingle - 29/1/2012 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38298

You deserved it

3155

Tweet

Share

By meee - 13/1/2010 00:55 - United States

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16422

You deserved it

23394

Tweet

Share

By lisa - 29/11/2015 16:04 - Australia - Kensington

Today, my sister accused me of "leading on" her creepy best friend and said I should apologize to him for making him think he was going to get lucky. I haven't talked to the guy in over 5 years, except for one random encounter 2 days ago, where all I said was, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22610

You deserved it

1376

Tweet

Share

By 21ShitCleaner - 21/4/2015 12:51 - United States - Poway

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33931

You deserved it

2853

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 05:00

With any luck, it'll be canceled

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1497

You deserved it

560

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Ch0sen | 13

#4510098 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Wear that hickey with pride, not many can claim the accomplishment of successfully wooing that elusive fellow.

By tennisrapper1 | 14

#4510093 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Hey, at least you're unique! No one else has a neck brace as awesome as you do!

Comments

By horseridermc | 2

#4510077 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

_ebbonyy | 11

#4510096 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Least they'll always remember you for something! think positive :-)

Reply

tennisrapper1 | 14

#4510134 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:19

1 - We don't really care.

Reply

21jason | 9

#4510141 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:20

1) op?

Reply

BitchPlease18 | 6

#4510209 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:31

That sucks real bad! Having to spend your one and only high school graduation in a neck brace that someone else caused you to have. I can only imagine! Hope you can make the best out of your day anyway!

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#4510222 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:34

10 I do.

1 tell a super long story so I could have a good nighty night bed time story.

Reply

horseridermc | 2

#4510235 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:36

Thts kinda harsh

Reply

_ebbonyy | 11

#4510277 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:46

Whoops, my comment was meant to be its own comment. But I guess it works in a reply to 1 as well? :)

Reply

Insane_Tea | 15

#4510417 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:25

Cool story #1. Shall I alert the media?

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#4510689 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:45

^ it wasn't really a story... More like a statement

Reply

LoveMyKoolaid | 0

#4510750 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:05

It could be worse.... You could have broke your neck somehow by that, or you could've ran out of Koolaid.

Reply

Hearon20 | 0

#4510823 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:31

Quit being a pussy. You don't need a neck brace after being hit with a football.

Reply

melikesfml | 11

#4511363 - Saturday 2 June 2012 7:09

I have to wear a shoulder sling to mine. Not only will i not be able to shake anyones hand on stage, i cant even move my arm...

Reply

grapist111 | 4

#4511493 - Saturday 2 June 2012 7:46

On the bright side, i tip my hat to you for receiving a hickey from the jolly green giant

Reply

Vert90 | 11

#4511903 - Saturday 2 June 2012 12:31

57 - You're a fucking idiot. It wasn't thrown by a pre schooler like you.

By tennisrapper1 | 14

#4510093 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Hey, at least you're unique! No one else has a neck brace as awesome as you do!

Reply

soccergurrll | 8

#4510320 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:58

That's true! Although I doubt OP wants to different at graduation by wearing a neck brace. But still.. Memories!(;

Reply

nerobluerose | 10

#4510387 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:19

But that one kid with the sunglasses has flames on his neck brace!

Reply

kandi_kid69 | 15

#4510647 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:30

OP should get her neck braced customized. (: Got to wear it with pride.(:

Reply

dsbs | 9

#4510809 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:29

Damn nigga atleast you educated

Reply

zuzupetalsYO | 11

#4511289 - Saturday 2 June 2012 6:53

Bedazzle heh heh

Reply

DespairFaction | 11

#4511701 - Saturday 2 June 2012 9:43

Screw that I wouldn't wear it.

By Ch0sen | 13

#4510098 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:16

Wear that hickey with pride, not many can claim the accomplishment of successfully wooing that elusive fellow.

Reply

KBeatz | 5

#4510523 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:58

"Ho ho ho!" Green Giant!

Reply

alpaquette91 | 9

#4510735 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:02

Won't the neck brace cover up the hickey?

By Skittles_Rawr | 8

#4510110 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:17

Could be worse... You could've lost your face.

Reply

Amethyst888 | 14

#4510220 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:33

And how does one lose a face exactly?

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#4510229 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:35

14 looks like 5 lost his brain.

Reply

t765234 | 10

#4510379 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:16

14- Ask that guy in Miami, I bet he could tell you.

Reply

Skittles_Rawr | 8

#4510444 - Saturday 2 June 2012 3:37

She* thank you...

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#4510573 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:12

Simple #14, you make inane, silly comments... You get ridiculed by your peers... You lose face. :-)

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#4510990 - Saturday 2 June 2012 6:01

34, if you were correcting 17, it would be her, not she. Thank you.

Reply

Skittles_Rawr | 8

#4512231 - Saturday 2 June 2012 16:08

Sorry, my grammar still sucks x( i moved here from Spain a few months ago.

By Drew167 | 8

#4510111 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:17

That's a hell of a way to get a hickey.

By DontModMeDammit | 10

#4510115 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:17

I wish I had my own day at school. Darn.

By Pelvispresley | 8

#4510117 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:17

Well at least you will be remembered...

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4510745 - Saturday 2 June 2012 5:03

As the one who had an affair with the jolly green giant.

By 21jason | 9

#4510125 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:18

High fashion!!

By AbbyAbyss | 5

#4510167 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:25

Agh... Im sorry for you OP.

Reply

krazykat794 | 0

#4510679 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:43

What is OP????

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4510702 - Saturday 2 June 2012 4:50

Optimus Prime, c'mon we've been over this!

By flockz | 19

#4510227 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:35

are you Jacoby Jones from the Houston Texans?