Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML
Today, it's was my birthday. My wife did not get me anything or do anything for me. Instead, she said, "I'll knock an extra day off your sex ban." Sadly, this is probably the nicest thing she's done for my birthday in several years. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML
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Top comments
AndelleRae 9
Self-masturbation? Is there any other kind? Lol. I'm sorry. I'm not usually a grammar Nazi on these websites, but I felt like being a smart ass. Maybe she got it for you to spice things up in your sex life? She might like the idea of you using it. I don't know. I don't really think this is an FML, but I'm sorry that you were unhappy with it.
Eresbel 0
This isn't an FML, this is just an idiot who doesn't realize what a nice wife he has. She doesn't have to have sex with you whenever you want, but she still wants you to be happy and satisfied, so she buys you an aid to help you out whenever she can't. That's thoughtful and kind. F your wife's life because she's got such a prick for a husband.
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Comments (147)
o0ginger0o 7
So? Did you stop masturbating when you got married? I sure as hell didn't. It has nothing to do with my sex life. Adults sometimes do this funny little thing called 'taking care of themselves.' She doesn't have an issue with you masturbating like some women do. It's a good thing.
sparda4355 0
6,13,16,18,61,65 Obviously none of you are sexually active (some more than others)... Have your prude asses never gone to a sex shop, played with a partner, watched a porno, or been touched by the opposite sex? I know others beat me to making fun of all of you, but I didn't want to feel left out! Mutual ************ is both fun and exotic! Try it some time! The OP was simply stating she wasn't encouraging this! Don't be dicks people... don't be dicks!
0neiros 14
Could be she wants you to use it when you get the Urge, THEN CLEAN UP THE MESS YOURSELF. Just a thought.
omgitsseejay 0
love knows no bounds
anniesaysbueno 0
it's the thought that counts! at least you got something that you can use! its not like that one FML where the guy just gets a burger...
Tsukasa_fml 0
#20 LOL Anyway you should have just showed her your hand and been like no thanks, already got one. :-p
legit1619 0
pretty sure YDI for not being good at sex.
wellchit 0
today I bought my husband a Mildo, he cried FML
FMLwrestler 0
I would like to note that: 1) almost all of the women are saying "your an asshole, the wife's the victim, and you should be glad you got the sextoy because you are being a chauvinist prick" 2) almost all of the men are saying "what a bitch, she's your wife you'd think you guys could talk about your problems and fix them, and sex is key to a healthy relationship". 3) EVERYBODY basically agrees that: "the OP is probably fat, ugly, unattractive, "let himself go", or he is simply bad in bed. Or he is a jerk to the wife in some way. ORRRRR.... The wife is a **** and is cheating on him with Joe the Plumber". ============================ This was to A) show the gender differences clashing, and B) sum up all of the arguments. From my POV, i'm a guy, and if my wife did that I would be pretty heated. If I wasn't getting sex, I would demand a divorce. That shit aint gonna fly with me haha
GrapefruitZoe 0
Today, my husband bought me a vibrator. Damn it, more sexual pleasure is SO not okay with me. What a jerkface. FML!