Holidays: Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but...

By suchagoodholiday - 05/10/2015 09:57 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but sit around because my whole family is sick, and they won't let me do anything because it's supposed to be a "family vacation". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 881

You deserved it 1 766

Holidays

Stop talking!

Vulture

Weird reasoning

By Anonymous - 07/01/2019 14:00

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 511

You deserved it 836

By isabellam0426 - 02/11/2016 02:55

Today, while teaching my history class, a girl asked me where North America was. She lives in North America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 560

You deserved it 680

Mom knows best

By Troy - 10/09/2019 22:00

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 1 588

By Grad2010 - 18/11/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 871

You deserved it 3 129

By rebecca - 10/03/2009 21:31 - Austria

Today, as a bartender was carding my friends, I excitedly asked if he was going to card me. The guy gave me a blank stare before finally replying, "Look, lady, I don't have time to stroke some middle-aged woman's ego." I asked because it was my birthday. I just turned twenty-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 231

You deserved it 7 138

By Pokemon problems - 23/10/2012 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 366

You deserved it 4 808

By taptheturtle - 12/04/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 463

You deserved it 11 022

By thairsha - 09/02/2012 11:05 - Japan

Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, when I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 325

You deserved it 4 207

Lost

By James - 12/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 570

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 873

You deserved it 440

Objects in the rear-view mirror

By DogStew - 25/09/2019 00:01

Today, my obsession with my mean ex-girlfriend returned. It ended 9 years ago. It happened when I started researching self-help. Now, I can’t stop thinking about that selfish piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 508

By WhyTheFNot - 20/06/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 392

You deserved it 9 278

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 892

You deserved it 58 939

By jag talar - 07/09/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 231

You deserved it 7 180

Session done!

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 235

You deserved it 317

By Reek - 22/06/2016 14:29 - United States

Today, I told my friend I'm going vegetarian. He's now calling me "Reek" after the guy from Game of Thrones, because I'm apparently a "dickless loser" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 257

You deserved it 5 210

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 18:38 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 139

You deserved it 5 366

By green2black - 19/05/2010 07:09 - United States

Today, I finally found the girl of my dreams, she's smart, loyal, energetic and adorable. There's one problem. She's a Golden Retreiver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 905

You deserved it 14 544

By Momo8612 - 21/04/2017 12:00

Today, while shopping for groceries, a small child pointed at my face and exclaimed : "DOGGIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 627

You deserved it 289

Foolish

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 05:59

Today, I watched as a bin man picked up and threw into his truck the bag I foolishly left a few metres from a public bin before I got on the train. That bag contained every document that proves my identity for my new job, my driver's licence, birth certificate, passport, oh and my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 1 258

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 198

Communication breakdown

By xX_nsn_Xx - 03/02/2012 14:47 - United States

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 475

You deserved it 9 991

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 035

You deserved it 2 516

By don't cry over spilled milk - 23/11/2016 14:33 - United States - Elmendorf Afb

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 159

You deserved it 1 409

By T3kM4n - 20/09/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 817

You deserved it 1 219

By heartbroken - 30/03/2011 00:15 - United States

Today, I managed to convince the girl of my dreams to stop being so shy, and put herself out there to get her crush to make a move. It worked. And yet as it turns out, I'm not her crush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 464

You deserved it 13 760

By vishuzzbabe77 - 22/08/2011 06:04 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 424

You deserved it 41 601

By AlonsoKold - 07/04/2014 23:39 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 185

You deserved it 5 848

By letmediealready - 22/12/2017 19:00

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 665

You deserved it 321

By pandabear93 - 04/09/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 507

You deserved it 3 730

By jp_boards - 12/12/2017 14:58

Today, I went to the emergency room for a broken collarbone. This wouldn’t be so bad if my parents hadn’t paid $20,000 for me to go to a snowboarding academy all winter. Today was day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 265

You deserved it 952

Next!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 05:00

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 262

Poor odds

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 02:01 - Saint Lucia - Castries

Today, I looked into my fiance's Twitter to see he follows tons of "nipslips" and adult/porn pages, even though we've had numerous fights with him making excuses as to how/why I've been "misunderstanding" past issues. At this point I've pretty much bet my life on this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 791

By dumbgirl4lyf - 01/10/2012 18:24 - Ireland - Monaghan

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 808

You deserved it 4 484

Thanks, I hate it

By MdT - 23/05/2009 11:51 - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200-picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 784

You deserved it 3 683

By whereismyprince? - 18/12/2013 17:01 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 539

You deserved it 7 426

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 049

You deserved it 3 758

By recordyear - 09/08/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 817

You deserved it 7 484

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 581

You deserved it 4 126

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 977

You deserved it 5 383

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Top comments

soulreaper12296 28

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:22

Who cares what they say. If you're old enough go do whatever you want. And if they get pissed then oh well. Just because they're sick and can't do anything doesn't mean you should be stuck not doing anything either.

HerpNdurp88 0

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:16

Just go man don't waste your time there they will get over it or join you either way you win.

Scotth901 22

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:14

At least they care about you! Take heart and recover, and everything will be ok.

sureshadow 23

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:24

Read the fml again.

yahitscyndi 20

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:26

How do they care about him? He's not sick and should be able to do what he wants if he's old enough.

philosophicallll 25

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Monday 5 October 2015 20:02

you tried

DeltaDragonxx 20

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Monday 5 October 2015 22:01

I expected more from a regular commentor

Pike313 14

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Monday 5 October 2015 23:24

You have very low expectations

kristadc 20

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Tuesday 6 October 2015 0:02

Always that one person that misreads the FML..

Scotth901 22

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Wednesday 7 October 2015 2:07

I'm not regular lol, I just comment random positive shit for op, and I don't give a shit about the fml. I'm just there to make their day better :)

thedell3030 21

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:14

That really sucks OP. I hope they let you get out at least once before you leave!

nournahas 18

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:16

That's a bit selfish of you OP don't you think? I dont blame you tho... Hope your family gets well soon so you can all have fun in Bali

leogachi 15

Monday 5 October 2015 19:19

@3 How is it selfish? Op wants to go out and have fun during a vacation. I don't know about you, but I always thought that's what vacations are for.

bazookajoey 27

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:25

If anything, OP's family are the ones being selfish.

Mauskau 35

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Monday 5 October 2015 19:50

It's not selfish at all. OP is on holiday and they can't enjoy it because of this, they might as well have stayed at home. My parents do the same thing, if either of them have an upset stomach (which is often because they have food intolerances) everyone else has to stay in. It's really not fun to sit inside when you've gone on holiday, you should be out exploring.

NeatNit 32

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Monday 5 October 2015 20:03

Personally, I don't see much fun in going out in a strange country alone without knowing anyone anyway. But maybe that's just me.

leogachi 15

Tuesday 6 October 2015 1:52

@21 If Op felt that way they wouldn't be saying that they aren't allowed to go out, they would be saying that they're stuck because it would be uncomfortable to go out.