Miscellaneous: Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 156

You deserved it 2 572

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Same thing different taste

Get the message

By Smelly - 05/04/2022 16:00

Today, it’s my birthday. At work, at my desk, I found this beautiful gift-wrapped box and a card that read, “From all of us, we really care about you, and hope you like your present!” I opened the box. It had body shower gel, deodorant, soap, fragrance spray, and “frizz shampoo.” Hint taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 427

By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card saying "You made it to 36!". It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 002

You deserved it 2 453

It's the thought that counts

By Not a day over 35 - 18/06/2013 13:06 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 676

You deserved it 5 829

Lower your expectations

By Brilliant... - 25/05/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year-olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 580

You deserved it 5 308

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 22:38 - United States

Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 334

You deserved it 18 072

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 14:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 645

You deserved it 2 026

It's all downhill from here

By Brenna - 17/11/2021 10:59

Today, I woke up realizing my 40th birthday is on Sunday and I’ll only have about 40 more years to live after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 253

By fatty - 17/11/2014 21:05 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 937

You deserved it 5 738

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 16:00 - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 152

By SadOldBag - 23/08/2018 21:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 208

You deserved it 231

Next

Top comments

XBurytheCastleX 25

Saturday 3 January 2015 5:28

I'm sorry, I slipped and hit YDI. Everything is now ruined. FYL

xlord 27

Saturday 3 January 2015 5:28

Wow that's crazy!!! I wonder what you get when you turn 50 ?

Comments

youngindian 10

Saturday 3 January 2015 8:45

Everyday is a step closer to death.

patrickalamo 47

Saturday 3 January 2015 8:57

Reality bites

joe3_fml 15

Saturday 3 January 2015 10:52

Might as well save some money on those caskets. You never know.

Neesalun 20

Saturday 3 January 2015 14:06

Lol! I started getting all the AARP, funeral planning, and senior mag offers when I turned 40yrs old too ;) I'm still slightly insulted since I, hopefully, won't need these for some time.

vikky538 28

Saturday 3 January 2015 15:09

I bet you can celebrate your birthday in las Vegas... go party and don't think about these stupid things...

martin8337 35

Saturday 3 January 2015 17:11

A bottle of cialis or viagra would have been a lot better.

thing1andthing2 8

Sunday 4 January 2015 13:45

Um, I'm a woman. No need for viagra. My lover is only 29 so we're good when it comes to erections.

maex 18

Saturday 3 January 2015 18:29

Awh :( well, nonetheless happy birthday!

JustinJK 21

Saturday 3 January 2015 20:06

I want free skin care products in the mail. That stuff is expensive:/. I wouldn't be insulted, but thankful haha ?

WattledParsley 11

Sunday 4 January 2015 3:55

u old LEL

shithappens0FML 2

Sunday 4 January 2015 4:58

bad luck?

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The Top

Today, I took my hoodie off in public and my shirt accidentally lifted up with it. I've had bad skin problems since I was 12 or 13, and my chest looks horrific as a result. Everyone in my vicinity reacted with horror and called me all sorts of awful names. Nice to know that my appearance makes me that repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 89

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 98

The Top

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 219

You deserved it 4 772

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 066

You deserved it 2 907

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 252

You deserved it 3 077

Today, I found out that my brother has been stealing money from me for the past five months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 90

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 200

You deserved it 8 839

Today, my partner, our 5-month-old baby and I had to go to A&E because my idiot boyfriend mistook dishwasher Rinse Aid for cooking oil, and cooked a meal for us in it. As I'm breastfeeding, even our baby needed blood tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 425