Miscellaneous: Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised...

By erptwerp - United States

Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

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Miscellaneous

Sorry…

Triage

Night terrors

By TheHeirofTime - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

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By sounfair90 - United States

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

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By sadcat - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML

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By lolographic24 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

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By AbFlab - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

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By nikaea - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

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By Flubber - Australia

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

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By nolips - Norway

Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 20:02

Get the hell out of Dodge

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

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By rmonk - United States - Naperville

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

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By Jumanji - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

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By lyle - 2/4/2021 08:00

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

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By just_friends - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML

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By Sarah - United States

Today, I belched. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML

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By unemployed - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

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By maisie - 31/3/2021 21:30

Skinny issues

Today, after a few months of trying to gain weight due to being severely underweight, I got a stomach flu and lost every single pound I put on, and then some. FML

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By Anonymous - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I got really anxious thinking I was going to piss off the guy behind me by not moving off at a stop light fast enough. It got so bad that I had a panic attack right there in my car. FML

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By anon - United States

Quickshot

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

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By chaos2007 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

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By Michael - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

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By thebrokentardis - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

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By sad child - United States

Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up. It started with the doctor lifting my shirt up to check my heartbeat, and ended with my gran starting a fistfight over his "perverted ways." FML

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By miji

Today, for the fifth time in a row, my parents tried to discuss my pooping habits with me at the dinner table. This time, we had guests. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

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By Snorlax - Australia - Sydney

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

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By CRH - United States

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Moving day

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Absecon

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

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By cherokeems - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lincoln

Today, I asked my dad why he only has pictures of me from when I was a little kid. Without skipping a beat, he said, "I only keep pictures from when I liked you." FML

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By chiraag87 - United States

Thanks, but no thanks

Today, I was called into work to fix up their projection system. I drove 40 kilometers in peak hour to get there. As soon as I parked my car and was about to walk in, I got a phone call saying "Don't worry, we fixed it, you don't have to come in." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

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Top comments

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#6554692 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:33

The only way to save this is if your friends are at your place fixing a surprise party. I'll keep my fingers crossed!

By Rockinroyaltyx3 | 21

#6554686 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:24

Time to look into making better friends. Happy birthday OP!

COMMENTS

By Rockinroyaltyx3 | 21

#6554686 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:24

Time to look into making better friends. Happy birthday OP!

By AshToast23 | 12

#6554687 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:26

I'm sorry :( happy bday though o.o

By crazymentalblond | 25

#6554688 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:26

It may not mean much to you from a total stranger but, Happy Birthday. Hopefully your friends make it up to you.

By tomvertigo | 17

#6554689 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:31

I'd join you at the bar if I could! Happy birthday!

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#6554692 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:33

The only way to save this is if your friends are at your place fixing a surprise party. I'll keep my fingers crossed!

AyeTee77 | 18

#6554729 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 11:51

I think it would help op if you popped out of a giant cake in lingerie

amirite?

santosb1 | 11

#6554787 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 14:45

Don't let OP expect something else, it's better to not expect and be surprised than to expect and be disappointed. :)

By georgiapeach13 | 6

#6554694 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:35

My birthday today too, turned 21

By raaron773 | 19

#6554702 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:56

Happy birthday OP :)
Sorry your friends ditched you :/ but don't worry because the world is filled with millions of people who are better than them. You'll make new friends soon^^

By PotatoesAndCake | 26

#6554703 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:56

Surprise party?

By KickAss73 | 12

#6554707 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 11:01

Happy Birthday! Cheer up. Get them back for what they did!

By ligerzero459 | 24

#6554708 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 11:01

Damn, dude. Hope the rest of the day goes better. Happy Birthday