Miscellaneous: Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised...

By erptwerp - United States

Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

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23343

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Damn squares!

The Blob

By Anonymous - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14421

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41298

You deserved it

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By Tanner - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30468

You deserved it

10704

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By PoorCar - United States

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42184

You deserved it

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By Daddy Tyrone

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3054

You deserved it

715

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By Username - United States

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16811

You deserved it

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By Riskreh - United States

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41160

You deserved it

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By wellokthen - United States - Birmingham

Bed move

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4835

You deserved it

253

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By fuck off, dad - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48138

You deserved it

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By missalexa - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37432

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14919

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7470

You deserved it

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By SorryUncleTommy - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29177

You deserved it

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By Ihavethickthighs

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3414

You deserved it

530

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By marriedbutlonely - United States - Federal Way

Today, after having my husband ask if I 'had any plans' for the weekend, and him mentioning that he got me something special, he played his PS4 for hours, ignored me, then finally took a break to hand me a tiny box of chocolates. I can't even be mad because he looked so proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23900

You deserved it

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By workhoe - United States

Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

7869

You deserved it

1701

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By Anonymous - United States - Racine

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40904

You deserved it

5150

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By ShowerheadGirl - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

10091

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10048

You deserved it

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By Lala - United States - Denver

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22409

You deserved it

2151

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent the entire day packing my car full of boxes for my move tomorrow. When I finally finished, I realized I didn't have the car key. It's inside one of the boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15662

You deserved it

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By needabettermirror - United States - Holland

Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7006

You deserved it

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By cperagui

Today, we did icebreakers at a summer program. I'm really awkward but I got paired with a really nice guy. I noticed his right hand was very soft, so I joked, "Do you only moisturize one hand?" Then I understood. Then he understood that I understood. We're partners all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4397

You deserved it

843

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By love_to_live - United States - Waupun

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12767

You deserved it

22437

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19909

You deserved it

1412

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By leogs23 - 26/1/2021 10:59

On the rocks

Today, my fiancée is convinced that I just want to marry her to get a green card, so she doesn’t want to marry me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

156

You deserved it

376

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By Anonymous - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29873

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30856

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33080

You deserved it

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By biotch - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44599

You deserved it

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By Crumpet - Canada

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54899

You deserved it

5272

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By icareaboutmyhair - Estonia

Today, I discovered I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googled the possible reasons and those are depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

I agree, your life sucks

30658

You deserved it

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By Cygnus - United States - Ruthven

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25692

You deserved it

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By Betsydoll - United States

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

59513

You deserved it

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By toothpastecat - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29537

You deserved it

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By dad, please - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18811

You deserved it

1542

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By singlesummer - United States - Compton

Today, I was watching a movie alone, after receiving a text from my boyfriend saying that his grandma was at the hospital, so he couldn't go with me. I caught him on a date with another girl, at the same movie screening that I went to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41873

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

He's a very naughty boy

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1441

You deserved it

131

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By robinhoood - United States

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85882

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11677

You deserved it

34994

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Top comments

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#6554692 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:33

The only way to save this is if your friends are at your place fixing a surprise party. I'll keep my fingers crossed!

By Rockinroyaltyx3 | 21

#6554686 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:24

Time to look into making better friends. Happy birthday OP!

COMMENTS

By Rockinroyaltyx3 | 21

#6554686 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:24

Time to look into making better friends. Happy birthday OP!

By AshToast23 | 12

#6554687 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:26

I'm sorry :( happy bday though o.o

By crazymentalblond | 25

#6554688 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:26

It may not mean much to you from a total stranger but, Happy Birthday. Hopefully your friends make it up to you.

By tomvertigo | 17

#6554689 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:31

I'd join you at the bar if I could! Happy birthday!

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#6554692 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:33

The only way to save this is if your friends are at your place fixing a surprise party. I'll keep my fingers crossed!

AyeTee77 | 18

#6554729 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 11:51

I think it would help op if you popped out of a giant cake in lingerie

amirite?

santosb1 | 11

#6554787 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 14:45

Don't let OP expect something else, it's better to not expect and be surprised than to expect and be disappointed. :)

By georgiapeach13 | 6

#6554694 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:35

My birthday today too, turned 21

By raaron773 | 19

#6554702 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:56

Happy birthday OP :)
Sorry your friends ditched you :/ but don't worry because the world is filled with millions of people who are better than them. You'll make new friends soon^^

By PotatoesAndCake | 26

#6554703 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 10:56

Surprise party?

By KickAss73 | 12

#6554707 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 11:01

Happy Birthday! Cheer up. Get them back for what they did!

By ligerzero459 | 24

#6554708 - Tuesday 8 March 2016 11:01

Damn, dude. Hope the rest of the day goes better. Happy Birthday