Miscellaneous: Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have...

By JimmySmoothBeans - 21/10/2009 12:15 - Australia

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 298

You deserved it 3 472

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Another great day to be alive

So compassionate

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 08:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I shouldn't have told my boss that I was interested in management. She now throws any problem she doesn't want to solve at me and either gets mad when I can't work it out or takes credit when I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 330

You deserved it 6 607

By anonyme - 30/07/2014 06:51 - France - Grenoble

Today, the left side of my head has officially declared its independence. Half of my hair is now curly, the rest is totally flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 546

You deserved it 4 625

Brave

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 04:01

Today, my husband got home from hospital following a suicide attempt that was a hair's breadth from being successful, and told me he did it because he can’t handle being married, being a father, having responsibilities, then he moved out and refuses to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 130

By AngryBirdman - 22/04/2011 05:53

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 183

You deserved it 3 675

Bad timing

By Mel - 10/11/2021 05:00

Today, I'm in the same city as my boyfriend for the first time in 2 months. My body apparently did not like the idea of me having sex again, as I promptly got a UTI and then the week-long breakthrough bleeding that antibiotics often cause me. The same thing happened the week before he had to move, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 134

By EFFED4LIFE - 11/03/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 002

You deserved it 13 412

By Scaredshitless - 03/02/2010 13:48 - France

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 3 718

By kysier - 01/03/2015 23:36 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 313

You deserved it 2 407

By CockroachCluster - 02/06/2018 01:30

Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 027

You deserved it 461

By Fridaythe12th - 15/03/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 816

You deserved it 4 849

By Maui_Diddy - 15/08/2018 18:30

Today, an old fling said she regretted her previous choice and wanted to try again, so I happily accepted. She failed to tell me that her previous choice was crazy. Not only is he stalking her, but he's also stalking me and sending her messages about who I'm with and what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 837

You deserved it 333

By oops - 18/05/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 261

You deserved it 18 101

By crimsoncon - 25/11/2011 10:24

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 434

You deserved it 2 794

By Lifes_overated - 23/09/2009 14:10 - Australia

Today, at a bus stop my friend told me that he loved me. I, reacting on impulse, told him how long I've wanted to hear him say that, and kissed him. Then I realised the look on his face. Turns out he'd said 'I need new shoes' not 'I love you.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 013

You deserved it 48 670

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:49 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 386

You deserved it 6 536

By ctmoto77 - 24/03/2015 17:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I arrived at work to find out someone had signed me up to a dating site. Apparently, my inability to speak to women has reached "boss level". Quite literally, as my boss was the one who signed me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 738

You deserved it 3 406

By singleladynow - 20/01/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, I bought something special at Victoria's Secret, then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 2 hours to get to my boyfriend's house. When I got there, he broke up with me. We're 37 years old and he actually gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 292

You deserved it 3 388

By soccerbooty - 07/06/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 807

You deserved it 8 115

Throw the book at him

By Jen - 30/04/2019 20:00

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 104

You deserved it 261

By Kitten - 06/09/2018 03:30

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 308

You deserved it 148

By MDWilde - 30/03/2012 18:28 - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 298

You deserved it 3 074

By Anonymous - 07/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 468

You deserved it 30 567

By Gus - 30/11/2012 19:30 - Canada - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 4 939

By MegGRRRz - 28/11/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 802

You deserved it 56 885

By flowerging - 11/04/2013 04:53 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I offered to pay my boyfriend to buy me flowers. He still refused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 428

You deserved it 16 225

By aprilfools22 - 17/08/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 843

You deserved it 12 588

Mother of the year

By Atypical - 02/03/2021 02:01

Today, after a lifetime of struggles, I was finally officially diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks to years of ridicule, punishments, humiliation and even beatings over something I literally could not control, I also have terrible depression and anxiety. My mom still thinks I’m making it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 182

By MissPerspirent - 28/09/2011 02:18 - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 506

You deserved it 3 573

By Anonymous - 02/05/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend feed his cat and change his profile on both myspace and facebook before saying to me that he was "Too busy to have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 802

You deserved it 5 654

By therundown - 20/07/2011 13:38 - United States

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 523

You deserved it 3 965

By Anonymous - 30/06/2016 14:14 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I am one year away from getting a university degree. Unfortunately, my parents just kicked me out because I wouldn't drop out and work for free at our family's gas station. I'm now broke, homeless and have no way to pay for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 215

You deserved it 1 364

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 12:03 - Israel

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 872

You deserved it 4 868

By notworthy - 25/01/2010 09:32 - New Zealand

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 3 560

By TheSickness - 28/05/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 169

You deserved it 59 149

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 02:00

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 131

Great time to try for a kid

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 14:01

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 03:36 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 823

You deserved it 3 281

By dinosaurboy - 06/02/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 630

You deserved it 5 438

By anon - 31/03/2016 01:09 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I went to 7-11, where the cashier asked me if I had the app to get rewards. She then looked at me and said, "Never mind, I can tell you don't." I guess I have no control over my resting bitch face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 992

You deserved it 2 102

Nice try

By Ma.Sa.La. - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings - No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right… NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 640

You deserved it 50 451

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Top comments

flylikemusic 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:12

Why would you expect anyone to celebrate your birthday five months later if you didn't think they would on the actual day of?

DoomJeff91 2

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:59

I'm busy. I'll read this FML in five months.

flylikemusic 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:12

Why would you expect anyone to celebrate your birthday five months later if you didn't think they would on the actual day of?

toink 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:24

Nobody' seems to be coming to read this FML eighter. Bad luck, Jimmy! =/

Tequilamockngbrd 7

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 21:37

His friends probably encouraged him to post it. He really needs to stop listening to them.

plainferkeeps 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:42

shitty

cutiepi 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:53

I don't understand this at all

jayneroadkill 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 22:50

Oh good, I'm not the only one.

BLNovelist 0

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Thursday 22 October 2009 2:54

Basically, the OP didn't hold a party because he didn't think anyone would show up to it. A few months later he put one together because his friends told him to, yet none of them bothered to show up for it.

Maxine17 8

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:54

Most unpopular FML of all time?

DoomJeff91 2

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:59

I'm busy. I'll read this FML in five months.

Intoxicunt 5

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 21:03

Haha, win.

toink 0

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Thursday 22 October 2009 3:27

toxi! welcome back! :D

AdviceDog 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 21:23

DRINK ANTIFREEZE AND VODKA . ._ ,:' ./ __....._ / ./ / . ,-.._.' | / 6 . ___ .| 6 . . . . . . .4 .| . . . .. . . ./ ._ .. .---- ' .(_'---'`) ./ `'---`() LIVE FOREVER