Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML
Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML
Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML
Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML
Today, I was scrolling through my phone and saw a post from my nephew's mother, my brother's girlfriend. She has a swollen eye that my brother gave her. I've been telling him for months to get his temper in control, and now he's facing possible charges, and she's utterly traumatized. I wish I could cut off relations. FML
Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML
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Top comments
dagrathe 0
cool female bro.
ceatsouth 0
Just block your wall so he can't see it
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Comments (346)
bubo_fml 11
Today, I tried to help out my big brother by posting "cool story, Bro" to all his posts & now he resents me for it. I really wanted to post how much of a conceited prick he really is...I just can't win...FML
Joey44 15
You mad bro?
alycion 39
Me and my sister would just find something equally annoying to do back. Usually whoever started it would stop. Either that or it'd escalate and we'd both end up grounded. But it gives us great things to laugh about now that we are grown up and best friends.
robertlovespi 3
Change your privacy settings so he can't post comments.
deadroad 5
So thisbis what facebook has come to, families caring so much about removing family.members
RhuLynette 8
It's his job to be annoying,he's your little bro! but good luck teaching him that 'cool story bro' is very uncool!
CloudEnvy 17
Grow a back bone. Stand up for what you believe in. If someone's annoying you like that, tell them. Or are you afraid you'll be told off? You be a good boy and let the world treat you ill. Rebel a little. Sheesh. Take a hit for the greater good. Or the greater good will hit you.
sexylicious 4
You mean UNFRIEND not defriend.
MwahFMLS 6
one word, block. ;) your situations solved, bro.
shazza26 1
Make a status saying "my brother sucks" and see what he says... ;)