Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML
Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML
Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML
Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML
Today, I was scrolling through my phone and saw a post from my nephew's mother, my brother's girlfriend. She has a swollen eye that my brother gave her. I've been telling him for months to get his temper in control, and now he's facing possible charges, and she's utterly traumatized. I wish I could cut off relations. FML
Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML
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Top comments
dagrathe 0
cool female bro.
ceatsouth 0
Just block your wall so he can't see it
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Comments (346)
dirtyrussian97 0
I literally came up with that phrase I swear to god I'm not joking
CassieStrawbs 7
If I were you, I'd just make a new one and not add your fam. They don't have to know about it. Just say you're taking a break from it.
daemonmatrix 8
Put him into a separate group like I did with a certain part of my family. Then every time you post block that group from seeing it.
Jazzalyn 10
Why don't you just delete his comments? Or set it so he can't see your status updates - I think you can still do that. I don't share status updates with my family members.
qhostred 0
Either way you'll be grounded so just smash his face in
CannibalQueen15 5
Just customize your posts so that he cant see them, but everyone else can. He wont even know you posted them.
daydreamer244 13
I'd take the grounding
bdubz4 0
Add him to the 'restricted' list! Then he won't be able to see any of your posts but he will remain your friend.
floopyflooper 2
You can hide your posts from specific people. Just do it under the settings of the post then click custom. Or something like that.
newlove_fml 0
This is why I don't have a facebook lolol
robertlovespi 3
Are you sure the reason isn't lack of friends to socialize with?