Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I'm a gay, black man who moved to a racist, mainly white, homophobic town for work. I've already had the cops called on me twice, and a group of teens yelled the f-slur at me unprompted. When I asked my boss if I could swap, he threatened to fire me. This is gonna be a long 6 months. FML
Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML
Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML
Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML
Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML
Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML
Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML
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Top comments
random2212 16
Wow that's terrible. Hopefully you can explain.
Klima_fml 29
A warm welcome, doesn't get too much better than that ;)
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Comments (118)
logicnazi 18
Put a sign under that sign that reads "BECAUSE NEGROS AND JEWS ARE WELCOME TO JUST COME RIGHT IN. NO RING NECESSARY"
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Yeah, say goodbye to your t.v. and all your loose change... 20 dollars says this gets moderated or deleted.
hersheykisses511 18
I'm wondering if op said something that could be conceived as that.
thejonac 21
what an asshole. don't take it too hard on yourself, just gotta get out there to know the neighbours and make some new friends :)
pwnman 33
I suggest you make letters for everyone, explaining what happened. Have a note visible on your property for a week explaining it. Every one will love you again!
limegreenpoopie 31
Maybe you put up another letter explaining yourself?
littleking94 14
what exactly is a dicksplash?
iAlissa 34
Whatever you want it to be.
disbatch 14
pull on your wanker for awhile, you'll find out
QuaDECH 13
Plot twist: you have multiple personalities and you actually did it and just don't remember.
thatsme293 28
Put a sign up explaining what happened?
5FDPmetalhead 17
Ha dicksplash
False_Stupidity 42
Plot twist: OP is a Jewish negro.