Work and Health: Today, it's my first day at my new job. Unfortunately, I have...

By Anonymous - Romania - Bucharest

Today, it's my first day at my new job. Unfortunately, I have a very bad cold. When my boss leaned in to show me something on the computer, I sneezed all over him. A hell of a first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5389

You deserved it

637

Favorite

Work

Health

Commando

Rock, hard place

RIP in peace

By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3777

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By Ed. - 20/7/2020 05:01

That Monday feeling

Today, I have to go into work for the first time since the Covid-19 lockdown. I've been working from home since March. Today was also the first time since going on lockdown that I cut myself shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1142

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By goodbye-college - Canada

Today, I found out I won't be able to go to college. Why? My sister's horse needs surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51231

You deserved it

5226

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 20:04

More proof the system is broken

Today, my younger sister, who lives at home and worked 1 day a week at the gym, got her unemployment card. I work at a hospital, on the frontlines, with COVID-19 patients. I don't get hazard pay. She now makes more than me in a week by sitting at home watching Netflix, while I risk my life every day to help people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2315

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By me - United States

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19675

You deserved it

54588

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 15 year old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31500

You deserved it

2780

Favorite

By DarrenP - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I got a burn on my foot from a Pot Noodle I didn't even want. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1153

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16013

You deserved it

38203

Favorite

By hairynips - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30112

You deserved it

9554

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54176

You deserved it

11507

Favorite

By gasbrain - 5/9/2020 20:06

Buyer's market

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1174

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By OutoftheLoop - China

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

76269

You deserved it

3629

Favorite

By wtf is a naruto?! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was helping my cousin plan her backyard wedding. I requested September 19-21 off for visiting and festivities. My asshole of a boss is refusing, because of some proposed Area 51 invasion. I have no idea what he’s talking about, and I’m afraid I might miss the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1850

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23873

You deserved it

2553

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 14:02

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

Today, my father decided that he "wants to get rich." His method of choice? Bitcoin trading. He's already lost a lot of money, but won't stop, because, "he doesn't listen to haters." FML

I agree, your life sucks

847

You deserved it

Favorite

By Cuntlette - Australia - Brighton

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45413

You deserved it

3345

Favorite

By unknown - Canada

Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

477

You deserved it

4469

Favorite

By stoych - United Kingdom

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29973

You deserved it

5920

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45590

You deserved it

12388

Favorite

By MisterSeth - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32834

You deserved it

79296

Favorite

By DFR - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41519

You deserved it

23642

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden - Solna

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9599

You deserved it

28600

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19140

You deserved it

78417

Favorite

By O - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22150

You deserved it

1420

Favorite

By TiredMommy - United States - Southbridge

Today, my 2-year-old son figured out that if he takes his pull-up off and DOESN'T go on the potty, he can pee all over things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4473

You deserved it

421

Favorite

By kaileekat517 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25365

You deserved it

3465

Favorite

By Ceej - United States

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47522

You deserved it

6654

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26772

You deserved it

3601

Favorite

By pinoyson - United States

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44806

You deserved it

12880

Favorite

By Yasha cohen - 30/11/2020 11:01

Shoe gang rise up

Today, right after preparing a gourmet plate of dry-aged steak with freshly cooked mashed potatoes, I stepped on my son's Lego and dropped my plate. I stood there for 5 minutes, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

828

You deserved it

352

Favorite

By nope! - 4/3/2020 12:00

Meanwhile, in 1953…

Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1733

You deserved it

244

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3722

You deserved it

619

Favorite

By Poopamus

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2491

You deserved it

494

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40229

You deserved it

4232

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a UTI. After, taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33101

You deserved it

4519

Favorite

By blonde moment

Today, while talking to a friend, I momentarily forgot the word for archery and instead called it, “Bow-and-Arrow Jutsu.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1131

You deserved it

503

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37553

You deserved it

3326

Favorite

By CantBlink - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26594

You deserved it

2690

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Crowley

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53966

You deserved it

6228

Favorite

By ShiriSarah - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53830

You deserved it

153019

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ACCOUNTKILLER | 18

#7426277 - Saturday 18 March 2017 2:11

There is no excuse for sneezing on someone else- You know it's going to happen so cover your mouth. If you don't have a hanky or don't want to sneeze into your hand or sleeve, pull your shirt up around your face or do it into your jacket.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7426288 - Saturday 18 March 2017 2:50

That snot good for your career.

COMMENTS

By ACCOUNTKILLER | 18

#7426277 - Saturday 18 March 2017 2:11

species4872 | 19

#7426310 - Saturday 18 March 2017 4:59

Apparently you have never suffered from an immediate, uncontrolled sneeze. Not all sneezes have a build up.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7426288 - Saturday 18 March 2017 2:50

That snot good for your career.

By GofuckY0urSe1f | 2

#7426319 - Saturday 18 March 2017 5:45

hey at least your boss didn't walk in on you jerking off in a bathroom stall while you were on break

RichardPencil | 29

#7426354 - Saturday 18 March 2017 8:26

So what happened when you got caught?

By Nancy Tate-Leach | 4

#7426364 - Saturday 18 March 2017 8:57

Count your blessings. Our pup was doing that but she wasn't so lucky. Turns out she had cancer and she died a few months later.

By KaitlynF | 16

#7426579 - Saturday 18 March 2017 20:32

حبيبي

By Lazy34 | 7

#7427514 - Tuesday 21 March 2017 7:23

Reminds me of the time I had a cold and leaned over to look at something my professor was showing us and my nose uncontrollably leaked onto his papers.