Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, it's my birthday. I spent the day doing nothing but chores, amongst which baking my own birthday cake. I was then so exhausted that I couldn't even stand my own company, so I ate the cake alone on the couch, watching TV. It didn’t taste great. FML
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML
Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My family usually gives me a financial gift, but didn't this time and said nothing about it. I cooked my own birthday dinner without help, then washed everyone's dishes. I got my own cake and ate it alone because they were too busy getting drunk. Nobody bothered to sing Happy Birthday either. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
chosha_fml 27
I know people say this on FML all the time, but do what you need to do to be okay financially and otherwise (place to stay, etc) and leave this guy behind. You don’t deserve life with this jackass. You know that, right?
Fata Morgana 1029 9
Time to throw out the whole man and get a new one.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (44)
TxKitten79 10
Speaking as a divorced woman, because of shit like that, it's time to gather yourself together and get a divorce. I am now married to an amazing man who loves and respects me. It's time to let go of "Maybe things will change," and change 'em yourself!
Brent Matthews 4
shouldn't have cheated on him
thefmlman2011 37
I'm sorry OP, happy birthday!
Emma Marshall_738558922 12
Leave 🤷🏽♀️
TheSminty1 17
What flavour of Doritos?
Stephanie Claire 12
I hope you mean future ex husband
lovexem 3
leave him sis, he doesn’t deserve you