Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, it's my birthday. I spent the day doing nothing but chores, amongst which baking my own birthday cake. I was then so exhausted that I couldn't even stand my own company, so I ate the cake alone on the couch, watching TV. It didn’t taste great. FML
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML
Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My family usually gives me a financial gift, but didn't this time and said nothing about it. I cooked my own birthday dinner without help, then washed everyone's dishes. I got my own cake and ate it alone because they were too busy getting drunk. Nobody bothered to sing Happy Birthday either. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML
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Top comments
chosha_fml 27
I know people say this on FML all the time, but do what you need to do to be okay financially and otherwise (place to stay, etc) and leave this guy behind. You don’t deserve life with this jackass. You know that, right?
Fata Morgana 1029 9
Time to throw out the whole man and get a new one.
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Comments (44)
mom541 1
Sounds just like my life :(
tounces7 28
Do you live in a trailer park in Alabama or something?
RichardPencil 32
Make sure the candles are the only thing you blow. Except for maybe an attentive side piece.
notalwaysbesta 14
Why did you marry a guy like that?
zuckerburg 21
Just wondering, why you married him. Surely you knew what you were getting. I haven't heard of a man pretending to be something he is not JUST to get married... they do that JUST to get laid. So clearly you walked into this eyes wide open. happy belated birthday by the way!
Fata Morgana 1029 9
Actually, that's EXACTLY what my ex husband did. He admitted after the divorce that getting married was part of his five-year plan. It didn't matter who he was married TO; just that he was married. He said marriage proves success. As I said, EX husband.
Akitakat 31
its the gift that keeps on giving,,,
Akitakat 31
It's the thought that counts!
MA_medQ 7
Usually, I’d say that open and honest communication is the way to go when you’re unhappy about something in your relationship, however, the fact that you referred to your husband as “worthless” suggests that you’ve gotten to a point where love has been replaced by resentment and coming back from that is damn near impossible. To the people who say she should have known what she got herself into, remember that people change, they get complacent in their relationship and in life and they stop trying. He was probably never an amazing partner, but he could possibly have been a “decent” boyfriend turned lazy/indifferent husband as they fell out of love. I hope you figure things out, OP, and as other people have said the best solution would probably be divorce at this point. Good luck and happy birthday!
Amy78_fml 11
Only you can decide what you will put up with. He won't change, this is who he is forever. Now you need to decide if this is the life you want. I don't think you do.
404wan 19
is this what you want? Because as long as you complain anonymously on the internet and say nothing to your husband, that's the message you're sending him: that this is just fine. I hate fmls like this, like you cant say a word? like you dont know who you married? maybe it's hard to really accept that no ***** are given about you in your own house but take some damn control over your life. if you're unhappy: ******* do something.