Love: Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having...

By DravensMommy - 06/08/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 539

You deserved it 3 008

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 402

You deserved it 5 959

Explain this

By Jenny - 16/01/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 86

Nightmare mode

By oliver - 27/01/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 512

You deserved it 2 256

By Secretlypossessed - 29/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 962

You deserved it 276

Night terrors

By Tanisha Skye Regeling - 11/06/2020 23:02

Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 172

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 959

You deserved it 12 160

By nosleep - 05/02/2011 00:05 - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 231

You deserved it 6 973

Nice Dream

By Better seamstress than mistress - 12/05/2021 19:59

Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 97

By anonymous - 27/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 558

You deserved it 3 103

Real dream

By kaley - 14/12/2019 03:00

Today, I woke up to find that I had given myself a haircut in my sleep. I have a presentation today and a job interview tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 355

allmidnighteyes 10

Thursday 6 August 2009 23:21

Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" came on before I logged onto the website and read this. Oh, the irony.

Flip3289 9

Thursday 6 August 2009 23:02

That sucks tape his arms down ;)

Comments

devel 0

Monday 10 August 2009 12:13

LMAO that is soooooooo funny but you sooooooo hadit cumin

MaggieB_fml 0

Friday 11 September 2009 2:05

lol I added this to my favorites. Hilarious!

Xephyr 1

Sunday 7 March 2010 21:39

You didn't wake up when he hit you?

PeekDaSneaks 0

Friday 14 May 2010 22:55

he has a rem behavior disorder where he acts out his dream. i have it too! lol

foodlover123 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 23:50

put some makeup on it

human4815 0

Sunday 5 September 2010 18:03

punch him

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Tuesday 15 November 2011 4:05

My I ask why your username is DravensMommy? o_o I'm thinking of Eric Draven here.

KingVin 5

Friday 18 January 2013 19:05

Maybe you can get sympathy points??

bballer4_life 14

Thursday 5 February 2015 4:47

Just cover it with make up

BeccaRaye 19

Friday 11 March 2016 4:56

I can't tell you how many times I've woken up to my husband punching me in the face while he's sleeping :(

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I agree, your life sucks 1

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Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only woman out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

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Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

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Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 976

You deserved it 2 492

Today, I cried so much I felt nauseous and almost puked. Why was I crying? I made up a hot, brooding, cold, and heartless guy who secretly cared about me, and who's super protective. Then I imagined him dying by being stabbed. I cried over a guy I made up in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 314

Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 904

You deserved it 1 135

Today, I stopped a guy from running under a moving London bus. No-one else saw what happened. How did the guy thank me? He wanted to fight me because I made him miss the bus I just saved him from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 393

You deserved it 1 382

Today, I learned my boyfriend has another girlfriend. His excuse is he's bipolar and each of his personalities needs a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 776

You deserved it 5 081