Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
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Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
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Top comments
lex1459 38
Honestly, I don't see a better solution than the one your boyfriend found.
theKevmeister 13
You're lucky he didn't try to burn down the house...
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Comments (78)
Schala360 27
He has been to Nopesville and lived to tell the tale
TypicalSenpai 14
Probably regrettable after a while..... haha who am I kidding? This is genius.
jtthegr8 26
Regrettable after they have to post bail, and fix bullet holes in their house. I wouldn't know though because I've never shot a tarantula before.
hellnosucka 27
he spida tarantula! naturally, his web of thoughts lead him to shoot it in the face.
tiggerdoc 14
And this is why smart legal gun owners always catch hell.... Idiot..
gosh_mate 30
Well I'm Australian so I think you're all crazy haha
amileah13 26
I would react the same way. Both on your part and your boyfriends!
igg125 30
I would have smashed it with my boot and grabbed a beer.
Ichiya 29
I would have captured it in a container and found a person who could either care for it or move it to a safer locale.
Kristen320 21
That man is a keeper! If he can kill a spider, he'll protect you from an actual burglar!
FitFriday 32
That's actually if he killed it. We still don't know if we did or not
Hunkapoo 19
a spider Is a small target though, especially if it's moving. Get some steel toe boots!
katydid91 31
The post said Tarantula.
danielhartlesss 13
A tarantula is a pretty big spider, though. Regardless of its size, you can't miss at close range with birdshot
Hunkapoo 19
it depends on how close you get, and I'm sure most people don't get near a tarantula, so it can be easily missed, but it sounds like OPs boyfriend got it thankfully.
AyeJay101 25
Good choice. I don't have a shoe big enough to squash that one.