Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
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Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
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Top comments
lex1459 38
Honestly, I don't see a better solution than the one your boyfriend found.
theKevmeister 13
You're lucky he didn't try to burn down the house...
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Comments (78)
juliana011 17
Ew hope he had fun with the clean up ...
fuck_stick 4
You make it sound like that was a bad decision.....
cheerinbabe 18
American problems
Eyalsh 32
'MURICAAAH
jack67_fml 14
So u thought ur boyfriend was in trouble, and his under the bed instead of trying to help him
AdamTB 26
She thought her boyfriend had been shot. If what she thought happened had actually happened, she probably would have been shot as well. Hiding and calling the police would have been the right thing to do in that scenario.
loganberrybat 11
I see a future Oscar Pistorius situation here.
Agent_Pebble 8
GOOD MAN!!
Larry01_fml 19
at least he didn't burn the house down
cjfred 13
*Four* gunshots to take out a tarantula, when scooping it up into a container would have been sufficient? If I were you, OP, I'd be concerned about your boyfriend's (1) eagerness to use a gun when it's completely unnecessary, and (2) terrible aim.
FitFriday 32
You could use a frying pan, a baseball bat, a shoe, and many other things to squish it, but I think you are forgetting that tarantulas are big enough that if you squish them the innards will make a mess.