Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
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Top comments
lex1459 38
Honestly, I don't see a better solution than the one your boyfriend found.
theKevmeister 13
You're lucky he didn't try to burn down the house...
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Comments (78)
zaps327 11
Best boyfriend you could hope for lol
StayFaithful 8
need to get one for myself
Merylwen 24
That's a much happier outcome than what you thought.
mustangbravo 27
lol, overkill!
worldclassrager 41
Maybe calling animal control would have been better than the cops...but that's none of by business
lovelockdown23 23
"Hi animal control, I just heard gunshots downstairs. can you please come with your animal tranquilizers, cages, and leashes and help me please" yeah you're an idiot but that's none of my business.
SPN_lover666 27
If he called animal control over a spider, all animal control would do is laugh and tell him to man up. Animal control doesn't handle small things like spiders. Besides, OP didn't know it was a spider. -_-
MonstreBelle 29
Reading comprehension is hard.
delfino1604 24
you must have skipped the reading portion of grade school. douch
RebeccaRFT 18
You thought your boyfriend got shot and you didn't immediately go to see if he was alive?
blairvic 23
So she can die too? If I heard gun shots in my house I would NOT investigate, I don't want to end up dead. I'd call the cops and hide with a blunt object in my hand.
danielhartlesss 13
If I heard gunshots in my house, I'd either grab my revolver or my shotgun and resolve the issue.
SPN_lover666 27
Would you run towards the sound of gunfire if you heard it in your house and you had nothing to defend yourself with? I doubt it
chblake 9
Murica
Smooth_Criminal 24
Your boyfriend is a hero.
Devtyro 14
If that's his reaction to a tarantula, make sure you don't spit cum back in his mouth.
Megatron_Griffin 25
That would have scared the hell out of me, but glad to know your boyfriend is okay though. The situation cracks me up a little bit, cause All I can think of is Peter Griffin using a shotgun to kill the fly in his bedroom haha