Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up,... - FML

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 361

You deserved it 5 852

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Same thing different taste

Wakey wakey

By DanJames24 - 24/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Southsea

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 150

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 983

You deserved it 2 993

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 917

You deserved it 4 586

By Mel - 07/05/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 962

You deserved it 12 958

By Secretlypossessed - 29/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 962

You deserved it 276

Sexy morning

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 740

You deserved it 275

Nutfirecracker

By Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 420

Nuts

By Painful - 05/10/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 921

You deserved it 39 994

By Anonymous - 04/04/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 087

You deserved it 20 343

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 366

You deserved it 24 007

Next

Top comments

madmikemiller 6

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:06

Kinda is

bfrench95 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:17

You should have yelled "BABY KILLER" then headbutt his nutsack :)

Comments

thisisafunnyname 12

Wednesday 28 December 2011 7:36

I read the first three posts on this thread, up voted keevarou and the rest is too much to read

chlol 2

Wednesday 28 December 2011 7:43

Well that stinks...

Foreveryoung0511 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 7:43

That is kinda funny though, but it sucks.

tilgare 2

Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:20

I've never understood why it's funny to have another dude's face in your balls... All I can think is he's closet gay.

ramykomy 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:47

Jokes on him cause that probably hurt!

holly1990 3

Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:53

thats messed up

reaganomics 6

Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:53

Alright I guess I'll throw on my serious cap for one comment. People are wondering why #2 has so many "haters"? That explanation is simple, people who have a FML profile usually made it so they can make a witty/comical comments, participate in flame wars, or to troll for arguments. So in light of this, people will flame the boring comments, yes it was a well thought out comment but still a boring one. You make the obvious choice for your comment (one generally most of us thought of and rejected) then expect a long stream of "haters". Personally I think #2 figured that out and is just trolling, serious hat off, phew....now back to "lol sucks for you" comments....

HeXr 22

Wednesday 28 December 2011 10:00

I definitely lol'd *+fav*

Damion_Laverne 6

Wednesday 28 December 2011 10:32

You should have gotten him back and made it awkward by startin' to suck on them and then say JK!

ronski 41

Wednesday 28 December 2011 11:08

Plan your revenge

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The Top

Today, I found out why I’ve been covering most of the bills and the rent. Turns out my boyfriend is paying a very expensive OnlyFans subscription for his female bestie. When I confronted him about it, he responded by yelling, “It’s not like that!” and punched our glass patio door, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 576

You deserved it 241

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job, and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said, "How would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 864

You deserved it 4 026

The Top

Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 289

You deserved it 4 609

Today, I found a picture on my phone of me and my best friend that I didn't take. Turns out my dad did, from behind, and it got onto my Google photo backup, which means that he was logged in to my Gmail from his phone when he did it. And my family wonders why I don't trust them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 103

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 492

You deserved it 7 042

Today, my parents, my two sisters and their significant others went on a vacation and dropped their children at my house without ever asking me. I'm single, live alone, and can barely make ends meet, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 118

Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 181

You deserved it 2 175

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 418

You deserved it 3 374