Anonymous
United States
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
123roomielover
United States
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff
Hyde Park, United States
Rude awakening
Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML
D:
Paris, France
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
meh beard
This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff
Bowmanville, Canada
I'm awake
Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Secretlypossessed
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Frederik
You absolure freak
Today, I woke up to my roommate glaring at me. Apparently, I was sleep-talking again, but last night I apparently shouted, “You’ll never find the bodies!” multiple times. He’s been sleeping with his door locked since. FML
gold3nshow3r
Roanoke, United States
Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML
Homeless for the holidays
Farmington, United States
Pyrotechnics
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
keimA
Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML
Anonymous
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Top comments
mmyoung979 14
Jesus Christ, that's scary.
ItsMeDiegoG 8
At least she wasn't sacrificing you to Satan.
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Comments (123)
darcislove 18
Baptise him via ice filled tub and vodka.
j_cat187 19
But that would be a waste of alcohol.
WCARlover 34
That was just their excuse..they were actually trying to drown you :(
MidnightMadness 8
Get drunk and then make your roommate hug you, its worked before on here...
worldclassrager 39
Can you speak in "tongues" now?
NamesIncognita 15
Creepy...
evan_7899 28
I baptize thee unto thy nation of the lord
Grand_Cookie 21
At least they weren't trying to exercise a demon out of you.
Welshite 39
I exercise "demons" out of people all the time. ;)
speakersboom 19
I don't get it...
Sports_guy3 28
Yeah, uh, Welshite can you explain that?
joea21 21
Praise be with Allah
catella_fml 12
Where'd they get the holy water lol
JaneChemi_fml 21
churches give them out if you ask....but seeing how OP'S roommate is missing a few screws they probably just took an empty bottle to church and stole some
megwithcat 15
good morning
graceinsheepwear 33
When they kill you, you'll go right to heaven!