Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my...

By ugh - 14/06/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 692

You deserved it 3 921

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Same thing different taste

By jackpot - 09/05/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 452

You deserved it 3 018

By pauper - 09/02/2012 01:20

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 273

You deserved it 8 763

By Ally - 19/05/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 111

You deserved it 4 058

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 635

You deserved it 23 379

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 65

By Brook363 - 27/05/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 788

You deserved it 3 103

By jl_word - 04/02/2015 21:49 - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 643

You deserved it 3 839

By wellokaythen - 14/05/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 925

You deserved it 5 106

You OK dude?

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I walked out to the parking lot and caught a homeless man laying a fat steamer on the hood of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 70

By minimum wage - 02/04/2012 08:38 - Canada

Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 334

You deserved it 2 404

garrettcodd 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:07

the worst part is you can't go shit on his porch...

kingnate16 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:02

did u join him?

Comments

wriptidez 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 11:37

he had to it was an emergency

arewenotmen 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 11:45

93thehitstick's dad; hard at work again, broseph.

DawnsPlague 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 13:11

Oh shit!

jonh_215 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 15:14

Hahahaha that's priceless

Mittle 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 16:34

haha what a sick lad. tell my dad to come home

AlkatrazTsubasa1 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 17:18

holy shit

ritbbehindu 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 17:49

If only it was Texas

MCRandBVBlover88 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 18:58

oh hobos, gotta love 'em

LoganHFX 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 19:34

that is hilarious u have should have given him your news paper

Di55le 9

Wednesday 15 June 2011 20:13

you could at least handed my man some toilet paper! Shyt

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 483

You deserved it 12 048

Today, I discovered my 3-year-old daughter's artistic skills. She managed to draw an elaborate mural on our living room wall. The masterpiece? A stick figure family, including our dog, but instead of a tail, he has a second head. She of course used permanent markers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 149

The Top

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 172

You deserved it 2 093

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 1 004

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 986

You deserved it 11 568

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 083

You deserved it 5 725

Today, I was chatting with my optician and it came up that eye colour is determined by parents eye colour, such as how blue and brown-eyed parents can’t make a green-eyed baby. My wife and I are blue and brown. Our 6 year-old has green eyes. I confronted her and she admitted she'd had an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 104

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 133

You deserved it 2 705

Same thing different taste

There goes the neighborhood…

You OK dude?

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