Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting... - FML

By notinthebutt - 14/6/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

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Headache

All for nothing

True hero

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 08:47 - Canada

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

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By fuuuuuh - 20/7/2012 05:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2013 23:36 - United States - San Antonio

Hey there!

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

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By justafriend - 28/5/2017 00:00

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2019 06:14

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

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By MikeIsMaster - 16/2/2010 10:46 - South Africa

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendent. He had my car towed. FML

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By houdini - 3/2/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

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By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

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By itsjustmyluck - 9/11/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was in line at the store behind a lady and her young daughter. Trying to be polite I smiled at the little girl. She burst into tears asking her mommy 'what is wrong with that ladies teeth'. Apparently braces on a 25 year old is not 'kid friendly'. FML

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By mm - 12/11/2012 17:27 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

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By Evjoel - 28/6/2016 10:34 - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

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By -_- - 14/6/2014 03:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the bus when an obese woman with flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML

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By Jebus - 23/1/2009 13:31 - Canada

Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML

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By unknown002 - 12/2/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

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By MI3 - 19/4/2012 07:34 - United States - Oakland

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML

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By random person - 13/11/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe;)." and "Shit wrong person." to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

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By floppy - 9/8/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

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By FuckedOver - 14/1/2016 14:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 00:07

Today, I was sitting in Walmart when I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with, "You know I'm a guy, right?" FML

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By nickyboy - 2/12/2010 17:02 - Australia

Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML

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By so jealous - 27/4/2020 05:00

Goodbye phone

Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML

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By gamerguru13 - 21/4/2013 12:26 - United States - New York

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

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By Nasty - 25/4/2016 16:59 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 03:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

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By MrFerret - 6/5/2011 03:41

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

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By ikungfuyou - 27/12/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML

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By Oops - 10/6/2013 11:22 - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

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By Court - 22/2/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

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By anon_smh - 18/2/2016 04:37 - United States - Bozeman

Today, after interviewing for a promotion to a position that was created with me in mind, I eagerly accepted a call from my boss, expecting good news. Turns out, they found a better applicant, who they don't believe will need support from the position I currently hold, so it's being eliminated. FML

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By EpicFail - 4/2/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

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By shanti - 16/2/2014 17:30

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

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By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/5/2017 22:00

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

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By the_dog_sitter - 13/3/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

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By Girl123999 - 4/3/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

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By fired - 27/6/2012 20:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML

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Top comments

By HarryMcC | 1

#2681762 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:01

so do you like it in the butt?

By kathii01 | 20

#2681766 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:02

lol that's funny! YDI for making that song your security q & a

COMMENTS

By demolitionloverf | 0

#2681748 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:00

hahaja

Reply

bbucaro98 | 0

#2681842 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:06

butters FTW

Reply

Veraymix | 6

#2681855 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:07

Embarrassing sure, but it's definitely hilarious. If it bothers you that much, you might wanna get that changed.

Reply

flockz | 19

#2682229 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:48

at least u had more money than u did before right? even though all your dignity is completely gone.

Reply

Saltime | 0

#2682370 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:09

12 - Only if there's no trans fat in that butter.

Reply

WallyTheWombat | 0

#2682378 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:11

I think this is getting so many negative votes because ppl don't watch south park. It was a pretty funny and awkward situation.

Reply

iluvhobos | 5

#2682399 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:13

I don't understand why this is so embarrassing, if the teller knew what what in the butt, nothing to be ashamed of! and if they didn't, explain it! Regardless, what what in the butt is hilarious (:

Reply

breathemein | 10

#2682999 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:49

lmao

Reply

Darklord6980 | 5

#2683092 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 2:02

I said " What what?" In the butt...."what what?"...whoever has not watched that episode of South Park get on southparkstudios.com and watch it.

Reply

realfigueroa | 1

#2683208 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 2:23

the fact that people are only refrencing south parks take on it sadden me... what about the original video?

Reply

cmfh88 | 0

#2683321 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 2:40

hahaha that's so great

Reply

guckylynn | 19

#2683598 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:32

199, that's what I was thinking. The original video is hilarious!

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2683788 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:10

119- I know right? hahahahahahaha

Reply

DarkHelmet | 10

#2683826 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:15

this shit MADE my fucking day!!!!

Reply

PenguinToucher | 0

#2684146 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 5:17

Doesn't that mean ANYBODY can hack her account?

Reply

CitrusGirl | 0

#2684180 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 5:22

They're not getting downvoted because people haven't seen that episode. They're getting downvoted because the commenters appear to believe that South Park made it up.
Which they didn't.

Reply

taytay6510 | 6

#2684542 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 6:37

listen listen the cats are pissin
where where on the chair,
what what IN THE BUTT ;)

Reply

ppatty | 0

#2685966 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 12:44

that is epic lol

Reply

jvanaulen | 2

#2686359 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 15:16

119 - I totally agree, the original is great

Reply

heavymetalman1 | 0

#2691617 - Thursday 16 June 2011 3:35

Who's Jabba Da Gut I'n your pic?

Reply

omgmike2345 | 0

#2780219 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 17:47

true

Reply

rockindyl22 | 0

#2907262 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:15

119, I freaking love that video!

Reply

kohana90 | 7

#3414262 - Monday 10 October 2011 18:43

it's a South Park reference you guys, nothing dirty

Reply

Link5794 | 16

#4870551 - Tuesday 28 August 2012 18:56

It's not from South Park. They just parodied it.

By HarryMcC | 1

#2681762 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

bbucaro98 | 0

#2681864 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:08

apparently so

Reply

awesomeooo3 | 0

#2681921 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:16

Guys, South Park. Go in Butters!

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#2682453 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:19

oooh you just touched my tralala..
my ding ding dong..xD

Reply

meggieh815 | 0

#2683545 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:21

It was originally a YouTube video.

Reply

WOGBRO | 6

#2684913 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 7:58

72- I am a bit concerned about were your location is.

Reply

Spaghetti7 | 5

#2685002 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 8:17

It is a damn good video too.

Reply

electricmaster | 0

#2687822 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 19:02

What what?

Reply

iPeterPan | 8

#4288853 - Wednesday 11 April 2012 10:29

Look up Samwell What What In the Butt
Funniest thing wver

By kathii01 | 20

#2681766 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:02

lol that's funny! YDI for making that song your security q & a

Reply

kellyma | 0

#2682004 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:26

what dose YDI stand for?

Reply

jellitonoctopus | 19

#2682051 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:30

young duck icing.

Reply

RawrGoesTheDino4 | 0

#2682183 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:41

your dumb idiot O.o

Reply

rockindyl22 | 0

#2682192 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:44

It means 'you deserve it' like the button you click to downvote an FML.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#2682198 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:45

Rockindyl22 is talking shit. It actually means "Ya'know, datz ig'nant!" No, don't thank me, you're very welcome.

Reply

aman7860 | 0

#2682359 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:07

you dumb idiot

Reply

Rocker909 | 0

#2682536 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:33

No, it means "yank dick infidel."

Reply

maz255 | 10

#2683034 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:55

young dicks inbreeding

Reply

hiyourcute | 0

#2683145 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 2:11

"Yappy dog ignition"
You know, for yappy dogs that just won't shut up...

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#2683804 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:13

You die idiot.

Reply

tpike1296 | 11

#2683866 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:22

“Yelling «Dumbass Ignoramus»!”

Reply

smileyxo4 | 5

#2683906 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:31

I personally think "young duck icing" was the most comical.
But kellyma, YDI means Youngstown Dildo Institute. Hope I helped?

Reply

MrHughJass | 0

#2684110 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 5:11

C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

Reply

steelersfan3250 | 0

#2684947 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 8:02

yield, dudes indecent XD

Reply

Slipknot666Maggo | 0

#2685842 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 11:01

165 took my line. -_-

Reply

deejayyy | 0

#2687523 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 18:30

Means "Yawning During Intercourse"

By Skullcrusher | 5

#2681767 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:02

you should proofread your post first. it doesn't make a lot of sense.

By UnprecendentedAw | 0

#2681787 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:02

This reads like shit in the beginning. Who moderated this? And banks don't verbally go over secret questions.

By sodapopper | 6

#2681815 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:05

Classy

Reply

chiddy_bang71 | 0

#2681926 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:17

indeed

Reply

MrSexyPants | 14

#2682077 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:31

Cl(ass)y.

Reply

XxEmoSnowboarder | 8

#2683384 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 2:50

hahaha ^

Reply

Hello_kitty_love_fml | 0

#2687994 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 19:28

36 wins.

Reply

taytay6510 | 6

#2692545 - Thursday 16 June 2011 6:45

I love you all :)

Reply

amanda_d95 | 9

#3995354 - Sunday 5 February 2012 10:07

That's what FML is all about!

By btstig | 11

#2681821 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:05

Ha that shits awesome!

Reply

HarryMcC | 1

#2681839 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:06

was that an intended pun?

Reply

Cmliedtke | 0

#2681900 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:13

what pun..

Reply

CountryGirl111 | 7

#2682016 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:27

they mean where the comment said that SHITS awesome nd the password was in the BUTT

Reply

Cmliedtke | 0

#2682140 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:37

yeah I noticed, but if it was a pun it was a pretty bad one.

Reply

xxlauruh | 0

#2682434 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:15

negative on the pun.

Reply

loopsy_fml | 14

#4958297 - Saturday 22 September 2012 4:54

What what in the butt. There is shit in the butt. How do you not see that?

By NinjaWithSwag | 0

#2681826 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:05

why that, why couldn't it be simple. for example - I like cats. not I like it up the butt.

Reply

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2682125 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:35

party pooperrrr it's funny that's why he did it or maybe he just likes it in the butt? it's hilar

Reply

LairaIsKindaCool | 6

#2682914 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:33

Two words- south park.

Reply

SpeshulK | 0

#2682968 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:42

South park took it from a serious video. He was on Tosh.0 like a year or 2 ago

Reply

Link_fml | 0

#2683617 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:35

tosh.0 actually

Reply

boredSOLDIER | 33

#2683806 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:13

Maxwell was the original guy

Reply

srgsk9 | 9

#2684016 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:52

Holy shit people, its not from Tosh.0. it's a legit music video. Look up on YouTube, What What (In The Butt) by Samwell. If I had a dollar for every time Daniel Tosh resurrected an ancient video and took credit for "finding it," I'd have my own TV show.

Reply

kathii01 | 20

#2684080 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 5:05

just YouTube search what what in the butt then you'll know what it's all about

Reply

bitchy777 | 0

#2684322 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 5:55

Two words - fucking idiot

Reply

Kitkatrehab | 0

#2734983 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 7:25

The original guy wS Samwell lol

Reply

heyyyaubrey | 9

#5844563 - Friday 31 January 2014 4:52

samwell

By wettcherry | 0

#2681832 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:06

How in the hell r u gonna say fml when u made that up?? Makes me wonder if u like 2 get it in the butt!!!!

By Captain_Obvious2_fml | 6

#2681836 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:06

"i said what what in the butt? i said what what in the butt?" you then should have asked " lets do it in the butt!"

Reply

SleaterKinney | 6

#4715942 - Saturday 21 July 2012 9:38

Butters yay!