Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dmipotc 0
how often does your mom rub your "very erect penis"? ur instinctive reaction freaks me out
youaresofucked 0
OOOOHHH NO!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (222)
ander3w 0
INCEST
ZEROGage 0
Incest much???
chaya12 0
ur probably used to ur mom doin that to wake u up right wtf is wrong with u
GioChaos 0
wow, that's quite disturbing =
vela9002 4
eee-eeee--eeew! WTF??!! thats sick man! how is that ur instinct reaction!?!?
meganjoanne 0
I've said some stupid shit when I was waking up even if hes getting his penis rubbed theres also someone breathing on you and it smells like peppermint. you dont think about what you say when you wake up!!!
podrummer9209 0
Bahahh im not gonna lie, if i was getting any while waking up my first reaction would be to open my freaking eyes XD sorry man, but i think you lost here
beberezay 0
no worrys mate, could of been worse, she will forget it and before you know it, you will have another morning suprise :p
DumplingWonder 0
Even if she did smell like your mom, why would mom be rubbing your penis? x_x I'd be pretty disturbed too.
Belldandy911 0
Sucks to be you. :/