By Getmeoutofhere - Australia

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Vultures

Vibe check

By cndpost - Canada

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

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By Stickerless - United States

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42cent postage so now I have to pay $250.00 because my mother is cheap. FML

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By cold - United States - Phoenix

Gasp

Today, I canceled all my plans because my boyfriend wanted to go on a date. He didn't mean with me. FML

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By deathparty352

Unpleasant, but clean

Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML

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By nicholascageonyourface - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

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By wow - United States

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

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By melmel - United States - Cumming

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML

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By scaredofcutouts - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

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By M2thaM - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 23:01

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

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By Sean - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out my kids only remember my birthday because it's the password on the iPad. FML

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By Stressmess - United States

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

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By thanksdad - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pensacola

Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML

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By xrebeccalou - United States

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

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By Redhead

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

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By King.Dick. - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

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By - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

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By Smokey9 - United States

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

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By MM

Today, I had to give my husband a tutorial on how to use jumper cables. Confused and flustered, he requested written instructions. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plano

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

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By Time to study again

Today, I was taking the SAT and feeling really confident in my answers. When we were close to finishing, some idiot pulled the fire alarm. All of us have to retake it. FML

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By buryuntime - United States

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

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By allergyface - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

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By okaydisarray - United States - Dayton

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

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By Kitkat - 2/5/2020 14:00

Experts, schmexperts

Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML

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By charma - United States

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

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By Paul - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML

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By WaffleMan - United States - Stirling

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Bankstown

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

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Top comments

By pjsr | 32

#7528242 - Thursday 10 August 2017 23:26

Not sure what a female would do with a coconut, but seems like that would have been better tbh.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7528248 - Thursday 10 August 2017 23:38

Poontang!

Usually, men like that smell, so you should be relieved he didn't in that context.

COMMENTS

By pjsr | 32

#7528242 - Thursday 10 August 2017 23:26

Not sure what a female would do with a coconut, but seems like that would have been better tbh.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7528248 - Thursday 10 August 2017 23:38

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By whackypaks | 1

#7528396 - Friday 11 August 2017 9:48

oh WOW u got BUSTED!!! ;-);-);-)

By jkjorn | 15

#7528507 - Friday 11 August 2017 15:49

Props for the callback to the coco-nutting post!

By Zanquis | 22

#7528523 - Friday 11 August 2017 16:36

Something smelled a bit fishy...

By dharmaint | 15

#7528527 - Friday 11 August 2017 17:02

People saying female but there's no way of knowing

Reply

jkjorn | 15

#7528602 - Friday 11 August 2017 20:12

Depends how you're viewing the site- on a web browser on my desk computer I can see a tiny little "female" icon next to the poster's name, but I don't think the app has that feature.

Reply

Lemou_fml | 25

#7529792 - Monday 14 August 2017 18:21

Why on earth would you be able to smell precum that strong smelling?

By KrDizzy | 16

#7528700 - Friday 11 August 2017 23:41

Your dad smelled you masturbating? Does masturbation typically make a strong smell? I don't quite follow..

Reply

choslayer | 20

#7528719 - Saturday 12 August 2017 0:32

when you cum it has a strong scent

Reply

Lemou_fml | 25

#7529795 - Monday 14 August 2017 18:23

In case you were wondering - women do in fact have a scent in a sexual context. When it comes to men, it's usually the semen itself, if it even smells.

By lccc_ | 18

#7528828 - Saturday 12 August 2017 10:54

thats so gross lmao. why wasnt your door locked?

By tibtak01 | 8

#7528966 - Saturday 12 August 2017 18:06

Okay so I'm confused... what did he smell exactly?

Reply

thatsme293 | 28

#7529388 - Sunday 13 August 2017 19:13

Her cum

Reply

alucard724 | 9

#7529467 - Sunday 13 August 2017 22:09

her pussy

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7529569 - Monday 14 August 2017 4:29

it's weird to see so many people who don't understand that an aroused vagina gives off a certain scent. given that it's her DAD, I'm guessing he knows that scent fairly well.