Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML
Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML
Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML
Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
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Top comments
Paco_el_Taco 17
Doh!
livinginabook 24
Your mind scares me...
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Comments (114)
Mattster5401 1
What does Op mean guys
Lacalema 21
Orange pancakes
Waspinator1998 21
Outstanding Pothead
Brandi_Faith 34
It means "original poster" as in the one who created the FML. Although sometimes with what they write "outstanding pothead" could very well fit.
paigexox0 37
Dont listen to Brandi, original poster is definitely not what OP means. It is in fact outstanding pothead.
BreathingClover 19
original poster. like my comment ;)
worldclassrager 41
How about dislike
JustSterling 5
This is not an FML.
Martinez0285 28
Still a better love story then twilight ... Whamp whamp
johbstonjacob 8
Stop watching The Simpsons...
therealjc_fml 14
If that happens to me now after reading this imma be pissed!
SaintJupiter 16
For those of you who don't know: Douching means to basically clean out completely.
WinterBlue42 22
I believe the OP might need more than just a douching to get that image out of her head.
BreathingClover 19
sounds hard to do... lol
TerraShadow 18
I have to say this...... You are average.
PotatoPal 11
The wording of this FML is fantastic.
Nessco 36
Sounds like you watch way too much TV.
Ziggy122 15
Fell asleep with the TV on?