We need to talk…

By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 21:38 - Australia - Granville

Today, I took a look at my 9-year-old daughter's diary, thinking it would be full of cute stuff. Instead, it was full of hateful rants against me and my husband, as well the boys at her school, who she called gay because none of them ever hit on her. It seems I've failed as a parent. FML
I agree, your life sucks 50 592
You deserved it 20 754

Same thing different taste

Top comments

whiskeey 14

Yes OP you have failed as a parent for reading your 9 year old child's diary.

the first thing that came to mind was the movie "orphan" ....


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I hope your daughter doesn't make erotic friend fiction. That is one tinarannosaurus Rex.

whiskeey 14

Yes OP you have failed as a parent for reading your 9 year old child's diary.

She's 9 I don't think she's really entitled to or should need that much privacy. I was still playing Barbies when I was 9. I think as long as you live at home and your parents pay for you they as parents have a right to know what goes on in their home.

I agree with #88 you're her parent, she's 9 and it's good that now you know this because now you have a chance of helping her out sort her feelings and helping her realize that some of her thoughts are wrong. It's always good to be involved in your child's life. good luck OP.

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@95: while I agree with you about diaries being private, I don't feel its normal for a 9 year old to have the mentality of "these boys are gay cause they're not hitting on me!" The OP should feel concerned. I feel thats pretty intense- lord knows at 9, I was curious about boys, but wasn't focused on them flirting with me. This in my mind would be expected from a middle-high school age, not elementary. Maybe Im just old-fashioned but this kid is growing up fast IMO. Yes, the OP was wrong and Im not justifying it; Im simply saying something's not right.

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111: I used mentality (not thoughts) for the child and that the OP was wrong (or if you'd prefer, in the wrong). The child is connecting boys flirting to negative emotions and ideals. The situation is a double edge sword. If OP wouldn't have snooped, then they wouldn't know what the kid was thinking. But OP did and now they have to live with the new knowledge they have. Who knows? The kid may not even fully understand what shes writing about and its harmless . . .

#88, a diary is FOR getting all your private thoughts out. It's a way of expressing your feelings without hurting anyone else. Not for mom to read. I've been a diary keeper since early childhood, and believe me, if I'd ever caught my mom reading my diary, it would have been a big breach of trust and created resentment in me towards her.

While I agree they should know what's going on I don't believe they should be reading her diary. And you said that she could talk to her child about her "wrong" thoughts, maybe they're not "wrong" maybe she just didn't know how to express it in a cleaner way. There always the time when a kid says " you don't understand! "

Don't read your kids diary. Mine at that age (and younger) was me being convinced I was gong to marry this boy Adam.. For like 6 years. Harmless kid crush, at the time it was everything I felt. If my mom read my diary I would've never trusted her again. Kids have lots of emotions, parents don't need to meddle in everything, a lot can be figured out on their own. It's called growing up.

TheNiceOne 20

You don't think she's entitled to much privacy? If I had a daughter, I would never read her diary unless she wanted me too. The point of a diary is to write down your PERSONAL feelings.

llamaslikesoda 21

#46, everytime a I go an FML that you comment on it's either obnoxious, or ignorant. They also have down votes everytime. Why is that?

I really gets me how people think just because they were a certain way when they were kids, all kids should be that way. Everybody is different. You are not the poster child for what everyone should be like

95 - our home lives should go way back before 1984.. Where the whole house was just one giant room... Kids today get too much freedom and are too babied and worried about their feelings rather than being raised properly. Sure there are a lot of well adjusted kids now. But they were a hell of a lot better disciplined and adjusted years ago. Even my own generation which is raising the new generation was very spoiled and bratty. It's only gotten worse.

#111 I think Abraham Lincoln was black. That thought is wrong. Just saying

#187 the 1984 thing was a reference to literature not the actual year

kingdomgirl94 29

THANK YOU 199. I was hoping I wasn't the only one to get the reference.

don't be such a sicko she's nine for God's sake!!?

I've kept a diary since I was seven. how is keeping a private personal record of your OWN life against household laws? shouldn't have read it. I have quite a strict mother and never has she snooped in my room nor my personal belongings. that just shows a lack of communication and trust along with family structure bonds if this is that way it's looked at.

I really hate it when people complain about kids of this generation. Every generation had it's problems and this one's no different. The difference between this generation and the ones from 50s, 60s and further back is our ready access to media and a more liberal media. When something happens everyone from all over the world knows it and things get more coverage. Also the things people didn't talk about in the old days (rape, abuse, molestation, bullying, sex, etc.) are discussed openly now and as a result older people are saying "we didn't have all this going on in my day" but it did; nothing is new it's just out in the open now.

MzZombicidal 36

I honestly feel awful for the 9-year-old. Yes her thoughts are odd, but they're HER thoughts and they /were/ private. When I was young, my mother read my diary and ever since, I'm paranoid to even write anything even slightly mean in fear of someone breaking that trust again. OP shouldn't even tell her daughter she read it but should subtly try and fix some of the problems in their relationship.

I wouldn't say my mom is too strict. I don't have to go to bed at 9PM, I get to hang with friends, etc. She is protective, and maybe a little too protective at times, but hey, that's a mother and regardless of sounding "less manly", we all need a mothers love. I personally feel that OP snooping through her daughters diary is an invasion of privacy, no matter the daughters age. You don't need to be just completely clueless of your childs life, but don't barge in and try to know everything, especially private matters. My mom has always told as long as I don't invade her privacy, she won't invade mine. We both have locks on our phones, and we both don't even have a desire to look at each others phones. That's how it should be. Sorry for the book, but this my personal opinion on this.

Ooh wow I didn't know you could microwave pizza ever comment i make now is ignorant and annoying.

Thank you, you made me happy with your comment.

She's a child under her parents roof I stand by saying she has little right to privacy. My parents treated me like this and I grew up just fine. The mother had due cause and concern to check on the child. Sorry I don't respect the opinions of a bunch of children on the internet.

When I was 13 I made a fake diary entry and left it where my dad's (ex)girlfriend could see it. I wanted to see if she reads my diary. I was grounded for it. I feel bad for her because her 13 year old is worse than I ever was.

Emma Marshall 19

I think this is exactly why she should read it 😬

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SDee1234 11

And she needs help why? My diarys are full of rants about my parents at that age. And if you've seen how kids in schools act now you'd understand why she wrote that. That is if she wrote it the wording is a little more advanced then that of a child. Op should never have violated her childs privacy and when she says something to the child she will realise that she can't trust her parents so if she gets into drugs or shows signs of self-harm or other serious issues she won't put them in a diary. The only time her diary should be read is if she shows signs of anything you really need to worry about. Sorry for the length. Even more so for the spelling and grammar errors I just had a baby and need to sleep.

I wrote a poem entitled "sex" in my diary when I was 7. I had just been told what it was and I thought it was hilarious and gross. Also, I was learning about poetry. My older brother read my diary and made fun of me for it for a year. I never kept a diary again. This kid doesn't need help. Girls mature MUCH earlier than boys and believe you me I was interested in boys by age 9. I would write love notes for and ask whomever I had a crush on to be my valentine, weekly. Everyone who's saying her parent had the right and needed to know this was going on: stfu. If her parent does approach her about it, the girl will lose trust and be less likely to volunteer information about her life later on. Not to mention; kids need to figure out how to deal with their emotions, good and bad, on their own. They don't need hover parents.

Since I'm a guy diaries don't appeal to me. Anyway she didn't fail as a parent. Her daughter is influenced my her peers to act and think that way. Her daughter is growing up bitchy just like most females anyway. I don't see the point in pretending like it is strange.

People on FML are so backward sometimes. "Oh no, this child has found a way to express her negative emotions without hurting anyone! She needs help!" No, more than likely she simply has learned that a) Screaming at mom accomplishes nothing and can make things worse, and b) her diary is a much better outlet when she's angry. She doesn't need help, she is helping herself.

JMichael 25

It can be corrected. She has a lot of time.

You're 15, so you're technically a kid.

JMichael 25

58- I'm 24 if you're commenting that to me.

Context clues, 159. Use them. "Kids say the darndest things." "You're fifteen, so you're technically a kid."

91hayek 31

I don't know why I'm laughing so hard at Jmicheals feeling that he needs to clarify his age. Dude we can see you're a grown ass man you don't need to explain shit haha. Everyone just needs to chill and read the context clues...

I agree ,OP should get an acquaintance with her daughter by behaviors in her daily life ,not by the diary she did ,you're too careless to qualify as a parent

the first thing that came to mind was the movie "orphan" ....

PLLboyEmily 11

That's the only reason I'll never adopt kids....

Technically they adopted a midget....

I would definitely seek help on this...

Yeah it's a little bit odd that she's so full of hate at such a tender age. Do not tell her you have just read her diary as you will automatically loose her trust, but see if you Can get her to talk to you about what's going on in her head. I would be a bit concerned actually if it was me.

Also, nine year olds should NOT be worrying about getting hit on. I didn't even know what sex or "gay" was at nine, and boys were the least of my concerns. No hope for the next generation.

askullnamedbilly 33

With your username, you really shouldn't complain about the next generation growing up too fast, #96.

Geeze by 7 I had the sex talk and understood what being gay was. No idea why a 9 year old shouldn't know that.

I made my username when I joined many many years ago before I knew that "acid" was the street name for a drug. I naively thought that the idea of someone slipping in a puddle of acid was a cool username. It's very embarrassing, don't hold it against me. Yes I am 16 but I don't consider a nine year old to be the same generation as me. I have had words with my mum and how humiliating it was that I never got "the talk" and had to pick it up from other kids.

sterling1113 15

#144, do you know what a 'generation' is? Pretty much from the time you're born to the time you start having kids would be your 'generation'. Obviously not everyone has kids at the same age so that number fluctuates quite a bit. My sister is 9 and I'm about to turn 20, we're definitely in the same generation. Yeah we're growing up in very different times but the world changes rather quickly sometimes. So next time you hate on a younger kid, remember, you're in the same generation.

WhisperSoflty 20

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#8, reading the diary is frown upon period no exceptions. Trumps anything you said after that. Your argument is invalid. She's just a kid. Kids do that kind of stuff.

I'm sorry but 9 year old girls should not be thinking about boys 'hitting' on them. At 9 years old I never thought about stuff like that, regardless of the fact I'm a guy. As for her parents, she clearly has underlying issues with them which should be addressed. Depending on how malicious they are, then the daughter should be taken to see a councilor.

#15 I don't know what kind of childhood you had (and I hope you grew out of it) but I have never seen any child that young be so resentful, it isn't healthy. Generally I am a huge advocate of privacy but I also believe that until your kid is old enough to take care of themselves, you are responsible for them. So I am glad OP checked on her. Be patient and provide her with more support, love and help. As we don't know what your personal situation is, I hope you are able to help her through this time, which I am hoping is just a phase.

rocker_chick23 27

#15: when I was 9, I was worried about getting enough money to buy the latest Backstreet boys cassette tape. What OP's daughter is writing in her diary isn't normal.

Most of us can agree that a 9-year-old daughter full of hatred needs some help but this is no excuse for violating the privacy of this girl. I’m not so sure how serious her anger really is, because a 9-year-old girl full of anger and hatred cannot hide these feelings completely. However, her mother seemed to be unaware about these issues, so how serious are they? In the end the only thing I can see is the fact that her mother – expecting something cute – had no legitimate reason to read the diary

91hayek 31

Everyone is concerned about the 'hatred' that the 9 year old has. I am going to assume that it isn't really bitter vitriolic resentment given the extreme absolutes the snooping mother uses. She says she is looking for 'cute stuff' and that 'she's failed as a parent'. I believe the girl is just venting and mother is doing cartwheels about it and using extreme language because of it. Still, unless there is a follow up, we may never know.

Lil_Red777 21

Everyone is bitching because OP read her 9 year olds diary, saying it's an invasion of privacy. Um she's 9, OP has every right to read her child's, because that's what she is a child, diary.

Lil_Red777 21

Yes she has a right to privacy. But at that age if something seems seriously wrong yeah read that diary. If my aunt hadn't read my little cousin's diary she never would've known she was being molested. So yeah I think parents should read their kid's diary in some cases.

Do any of you have any interaction with nine year old today? They're horrible. Nothing like you may have been at that age. Not all of them, but a lot. My sister was in a physical fight at ten years old. Wasn't her fault, she didn't start it, she didn't want it. Some girls were just ridiculously jealous of some ugly Nike sneakers she had. Girls spread rumors on Facebook, tried to distroy her life. Children are horrible now.

PresidentNorth 16

honestly they don't need privacy at all. No one said they needed to be under total brain control that's just people with small brains not looking at the bigger picture. You can still have respect amongst your kids but know what's going on until you feel they reach the maturity to be left alone for some things. But privacy at the age of 9 isnt as serious. They are still children with brains that don't quite understand everything they see, especially on the internet. Which is my bet as to why the little girl is acting strangely mature but should still be monitored.

15 - "kids do that kind of stuff" is exactly the problem... People don't realize and see the bigger picture. They brush it off as just another kid being a kid. You know that guy that shot and killed people at the sorority house? Yeah he ranted about girls not liking him too...

She's 9. She has no right to privacy. As a minor of that age ones parents/legal guardians are responsible for them and their actions. Her parents have the right and moral obligation to know what is going on in their nine-year-old daughters life.

152 - it starts when they earn the rights to it. A child is not an adult, and what many people forget is they need to be taught that you need to earn things in life. Not just automatically get them. A 2 year old is a child. Should they have the right to privately bathe themselves? Of course not. They need to earn it, and grow up to be capable of doing it themselves... Feelings and expression need to be taught as well especially to a young child like the OP has They should not be left to their own devices

kingdomgirl94 29

I would agree that if OP was worried, then she should go ahead and read it. However, from the sounds of this, she went snooping because she was bored and wanted to "AW" at her daughters feelings about boys or who she liked. There was no warning or reason, OP is just a snoop. And to the people freaking out saying she needs help, you do realise that a diary is used to express the extremes of emotion right? So if she wrote "I hate my mom and wish she would just die!" while unpleasant, its not likely the attitude towards her mother all the time, but the expression of anger and frustration at a specific point in time, perhaps after a fight with her mom or something like that. Go look up the comedy show "Mortified", some of the things written by people when they were kids is unexpected, much like this.

180: You could not be be more wrong. Honesty they do need privacy, they are thinking feeling people regardless of their age. What gives you the right to dictate that they don't need privacy? I mean honestly a diary is safe place to share feelings and there is NOTHING wrong about that. I realize that their is a concern here, but invading anyone's privacy is simply not on under any circumstances. If anything the mom should speak to her daughter and try to get her to speak about her issues, not going through her personal things.

Lafayo 9

Devil's advocate... nice argument ;D

PresidentNorth 16

#233 privacy is important but her child regardless of her feelings is her child so by the looks of everyone here that thinks going through that diary was wrong its her child she's entitled to check on her child in anyway she deems appropriate. So for you guys to say that OP is wrong for what she did I say **** you all and your parenting style. Honestly to everyone you shouldn't have to keep your secrets locked up its how you develop trust issues to begin with. not saying you should tell everyone your secrets but keeping them hidden from the world can cause emotional pain to you for not resolving a conflict you held within yourself and then something cause that pain to surface much later. With a greater problem than how it started out. Family is meant to fix these bonds. So forget she's a little girl who can't sense all the right from the wrong and look at it from a concerned parent or just a nosy parent who stumbled upon something like this. If you can't see that then you have a close minded brain. And you can't say someone's wrong for giving an opinion douchebag. If I'm wrong for how I think than you're clearly wrong for how you think.

Wait so I'm a douchebag for disagreeing with you? Wow. First of all you don't know me nor can you make any assumptions as to how I would raise my child if I ever had one. Second of all, writing down feelings does not inherently case emotional strain and I don't understand how you can possibly say that without evidence. But I know for sure is family bonds do not necessarily help with bad thoughts and feelings as some family's do not have the dynamics necessary to deal with those sorts of things. So with that said a diary is useful because despite your attempts to convince me otherwise you are in fact advocating for everything to be out in the open which I think is a completely wrong way to parent. Oh and see what I did there? I disagreed with you. Diaries create safe escapes for people and in this case was a safe place for the child to talk about her feelings. You and her mother have no right to invade privacy. Their are ways of discovering feelings without breaking trust. Also seeing as though you ended your comment with an insult, I'm going to take the high ground here and simply say good day.

Unlucky1232 20

so i had that much anger at that age and im..... no no disregard what i said! PROBLEM OVERLOAD PROBLEM OVERLOAD!

She's 9. Just talk to her, it's too early to say you've failed.

She's only 9, there is hope for her yet