Health, Sex and Awkward: Sexed to death

Sexed to death

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 12:00

Today, I just got home from the police station where I had to explain that the guy I drunkenly hooked up with last night died in the middle of sex from a brain aneurysm. He had no wallet or anything, just car keys, so all I could tell the cops was his first name, that’s it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 349

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Same thing different taste

Adding insult to injury

By Username - 10/02/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer I'd spoken to had kept my I.D. by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 434

You deserved it 4 070

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 111

You deserved it 10 268

Pile up

By neverforgetyourphone - 05/03/2015 01:18 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I got into an accident. As I was talking to a police officer about what happened, the tow truck driver managed to take my car and drive away, leaving me with no phone or wallet. I just spent an hour walking home in a hail storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 378

You deserved it 2 932

By clueless2 - 20/02/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 355

You deserved it 27 715

By Drew - 01/06/2019 18:00

Today, I was sitting at home when the police knocked on my door. They came inside, sat me down and told me that both my parents died in a car crash tonight. I started to cry, but about 10 minutes later, I find out they had the wrong person. I feel bad for the other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 797

You deserved it 124

By Lucy - 21/07/2012 07:40 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 601

You deserved it 5 442

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 342

You deserved it 9 837

Great start to life

By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, after discovering that I’m pregnant from a week-long fling three months ago, I reached out to the guy, praying he’d be willing to offer some financial support, as I’m flat broke. Turns out he died in a car accident last month. I can’t even afford an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 744

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 45 626

By Steven - 14/07/2023 16:00

Today, I went for a drive to clear my head of relationship issues. That night, I got pulled over. Lost the car and my license. I texted my girlfriend, saying I was sorry; she left. Lost her too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 900

RichardPencil 30

Friday 6 May 2022 13:54

You gave him mind-blowing sex, literally!

spinningrecords 14

Friday 6 May 2022 14:14

That is the FML of all FMLs!

Comments

John Wenzel 3

Friday 6 May 2022 13:23

talk about going out with a bang

RichardPencil 30

Friday 6 May 2022 13:54

You gave him mind-blowing sex, literally!

Nikki 17

Friday 6 May 2022 14:06

Wow that’s a lot! I hope your able to find ways to process seeing that..

spinningrecords 14

Friday 6 May 2022 14:14

That is the FML of all FMLs!

Bogrbon 27

Friday 6 May 2022 19:18

An actual case of death by snu snu.

legalgravethief 8

Friday 6 May 2022 19:27

That’s how I hope to go out! But seriously, that could be traumatising, I hope you get help for it. It wasn’t your fault, it happens!

mccuish 25

Saturday 7 May 2022 10:01

Died doing what a man loves

xxWTFxx1981 23

Sunday 8 May 2022 14:03

Don't feel bad I am sure he died with a smile on his face

Grumpy Jack 26

Friday 10 June 2022 21:40

Or a dick up his ass...

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Haircut Cute Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 1 516

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 712

You deserved it 5 223

The Top

Today, my grandmother and I got mugged. As I stood there paralyzed with fear, she grabbed the mugger from behind as he escaped, and gave him a suplex, knocking him out. Then, as if nothing happened, she dusted herself, picked up our things, held my hand, and said, "Come on baby, let's get you a clean pair of shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 474

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 083

You deserved it 7 087

Today, I was forced to listen to a client rant about her lackluster sexual encounters with her husband. I was also given a rather detailed description of his manhood. Apparently, it's small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 020

You deserved it 2 644

Today, my grandmother ripped her pants. We all got a big view of her pink thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 275

You deserved it 2 217

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 729

You deserved it 2 848

Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 934

You deserved it 3 186