Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, I woke up in a girl's bed, who I've had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML
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Top comments
kirstyfaerie 0
only half naked? you're not very ambitious.
birchofacookie 0
That's weird. Today, I was having sex on a boat with a hot brunette. Then, I woke up. And Samus slapped me.
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Comments (128)
Bekll 31
This can be taken two ways. She brought the pear and OP's cutting it was misunderstood as breaking up with her due to tradition. On the other hand, she could have brought it to break up with OP and was crying over the fact.
pennyprostitute 20
this needs a follow up.
maemismile 22
I'm confused. Did she break up with him by giving the pear or him trying to share it with her? We need a follow up.
SarcasticShade 16
She shouldn't have offered you controversial fruit.
m_cheeeezy 3
What does op stand for ?
thisguy22 33
Wait, her sharing the pear with you was her breaking up with you? Or you cutting up a pear and offering her half was the break up? Either way that's a strange custom... I wonder how it started.
smallandroid 26
"To split a pear" and "to depart/separate" are pronounced the same in Chinese. It's known as bad luck, or symbolism of a breakup, to split a pear with your significant other, loved one, or even a close friend.
rldostie 19
This is probably the FML that needs a follow up the most. Did she understand that you weren't aware of the custom? Was she okay after you explained yourself? Are you guys still together and doing well? I have to know!!
ExtremeEncounter 32
Why are all these "latest" FML's coming from several years ago? **** happened?
waleedma 18
Thats a strange way to break up