Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, I woke up in a girl's bed, who I've had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML
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Top comments
kirstyfaerie 0
only half naked? you're not very ambitious.
birchofacookie 0
That's weird. Today, I was having sex on a boat with a hot brunette. Then, I woke up. And Samus slapped me.
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Comments (128)
Lolipop2241030 14
Tape the pear up
A1NoSauce 17
Time to study more on the Chinese culture. Especially while taking residence there. Good luck, OP!
Mightytall 35
What was the breakup? Her giving you the pear or you cutting it? If it's option A, FYL. If it's B, she should be ok if you explain to her that sharing a gift is a sign of appreciation in western culture.
Magnoxidans 19
Bit confused OP, does that mean she was breaking up with you by giving the pear or did you cutting it up indicate that?
Magnoxidans 19
Bit confused OP, does that mean she was breaking up with you by giving the pear or did you cutting it up indicate that?
Mooglefox 24
Just tell her that you are a dumbass and that you did not know what you were doing.
Teyros 24
*storms into the kitchen infront of girlfriend, viciously grabs pear, pulls out knife, stares into the windows of her soul.. Cuts pear.*
TeasinDaNoobs 16
Her giving you the pear is a sing of breakup or you cutting a pear was the sign of breakup? Sorry im confused
MrSassypants 34
One time, I was eating pistachios and I offered some to this girl. I broke down in tears when I she started cracking the shells. She wants to crack my nuts. :(
furly09 17
I'm a bit confused: did the giving of a pear mean she was breaking up with you or did you cutting it mean you were breaking up with her?