Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, I woke up in a girl's bed, who I've had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML
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Top comments
kirstyfaerie 0
only half naked? you're not very ambitious.
birchofacookie 0
That's weird. Today, I was having sex on a boat with a hot brunette. Then, I woke up. And Samus slapped me.
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Comments (128)
turdwrangler 18
Half a pear at that
writerchic85 26
What kind of fruit do you give to ask for oral lol
anonymoux_fml 11
The cutting it
mkk0622 2
I'm chinese and i didnt even know that
Sunflora219 26
Shit. I learned so much today from FML. My brain can't handle it. I want to cry.
grtfuldeadlovr 27
How obscure.
VanillaBeanGhost 15
Not all Chinese people go by the cultural heritage stuff...sorry to say, so not everyone takes it the same
grtfuldeadlovr 27
How obscure.
slingerslasher 24
分离 vs 分梨
Excalibur6669 15
Then how do you share a pear with your partner?