Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my husband invited 20 of his friends over, no discussion, just 20 strangers in my house. I got mad and went upstairs to our bedroom, which has an en suite shower. I got naked, and yet another dude came out of our en suite and walked right past my bare ass while I screamed. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2 p.m. and screamed out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Hubby: Bless me wifey, for I have sinned... OP: You are forgiven, my hubby. Now go forth and sin no more... Hubby: What!? Hell no!!!! OP: Ok boys, hold him down and shave his head. If he doesn't repent, then continue with the pubes.
HelloGuys 4
You have to give your husband a blessing to go out with his friends?
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Comments (123)
TriflingAllDay 6
An xbox? Wtf
KevinBaird 2
Jango Fett? Wtf
TriflingAllDay 6
Touche.
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
Star wars? Ftw
cmb8280 24
I wanted to thumbs up this like 20 more times
t_raw1234 11
At least you know he's home safely.
mhopper 13
Better than him driving around drunk. Have a beer!
TheJester12 15
today, my very uptight nazi wife finally let me out of the house for a night with the guys. I got over excited , became totally trashed , and woke up back at my house with no hair and vividly drawn genitalia drawn on my face I'm never leaving again . FML.
xmaximusx 12
She doesn't let you play xbox either
dani1993 0
u should make fun when he's sober
Tempest559 12
I did almost the exact thing last weekend. My hair still looks like shit.
123man 11
Divorce him. You deserve better.
KeyboardWarrior 10
I don't know what to say...
123man 11
@43 - the comments on this FML prove you wrong. Anyone in a healthy, long-term relationship knows that either party will certainly "get the blessing" of the other before going out all night. Yet the woman is attacked throughout the comments as being a controlling Nazi. I wanted to balance things out so I went the other direction. I think you want to see some sort anti-man sentiment, therefore you see it. The biggest generalization on this site that I've come up with is that most people commenting are simply inexperienced at life.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He's sleeping on your side of the bed? Divorce him! He prefers cats to dogs? Divorce him! He sneezed? Divorce him! He's cheating on you with 10 hookers? Stay with him, he loves you!
DjeePee 25
I think you take the sentence 'give my blessing' way too serious. Chances are incredible high that OP always gives her blessing, unless it's a serious issue for her. Like I previously said, it's just a way to make your partner feel like you really care about his/her opinion, and you don't need to be married for that, and yes, it goes in two-directions. You'll prevent a lot of fights if you say "Honey, my friends asked to spend the evening/night with them, would that be okay for you?" instead of "I will not be home tonight, see ya!" Also, I think you see ghosts. Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but I see more anti-womansentiment on this site (and actually, on many sites) than anti-man.
gracehi 33
#74, I agree. I think people are reading way to much into the "gave my blessing" phrase. I think that was just OP's way of saying in just a few words (given the character limit on FML) that she knew her husband was going out and that she was okay with it, rather than giving the impression that her husband snuck out without telling her or something. Geez, people. Use your brains. Must everything be constantly spelled out for you?
cmb8280 24
Divorce? Wtf?! This is hilarious, I would laugh my ass off if this were me. And then I'd go back to bed!!
gracehi 33
Reading *too much.
TriflingAllDay 6
I do. 1 I think your a ___. 2 It just might be true that 9/10 commenters say things without using brain power.
TriflingAllDay 6
I take that comment back. My fault I didn't see the other people already said the same thing.
CptZoe 10
Trollolol
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Break out the trusty old camcorder!
rcgirl2 11
I would tell them to leave.
Dogbite1313 5
I think it's funny, and a good story to laugh about later.
BunnyRose 11
I agree