Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my husband invited 20 of his friends over, no discussion, just 20 strangers in my house. I got mad and went upstairs to our bedroom, which has an en suite shower. I got naked, and yet another dude came out of our en suite and walked right past my bare ass while I screamed. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2 p.m. and screamed out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Hubby: Bless me wifey, for I have sinned... OP: You are forgiven, my hubby. Now go forth and sin no more... Hubby: What!? Hell no!!!! OP: Ok boys, hold him down and shave his head. If he doesn't repent, then continue with the pubes.
HelloGuys 4
You have to give your husband a blessing to go out with his friends?
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Comments (123)
DiscoKiller 4
how is your first reaction to run to the computer and type up an FML?!
Serinar 5
I can understand not enjoying having your sleep disrupted but, it could have been much worse. This is more a mild annoyance than a FML situation. You should relax a bit, look at the bigger picture and be glad he enjoyed his night. Plus you can now point and laugh when he sees his hair once he sobers up!
OfficeNinja 5
Typical. You gave the OK for the guy to go out drinking with his friends. By your wording, I assume that this is not a frequent event. So he had to get weeks or maybe even a month or more of drinking mayhem squeezed into one night. YDI.
geod69 8
Could be worse they could shaving his scrotum
chasestiner 7
And your inside. Writing on the Internet instead of doing something
mattorama 15
YDI if you think a grown man needs your "blessing" to go out with his friends.
siegheil_fml 4
Your blessing? Pathetic
heartgrenade1 5
This one isn't truly funny until you read the last part of the last sentence. That hit me out of no where
megabeast 0
Hangover part 3
noisebox 1
What are their names? Curly, moe and joe?