Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my husband invited 20 of his friends over, no discussion, just 20 strangers in my house. I got mad and went upstairs to our bedroom, which has an en suite shower. I got naked, and yet another dude came out of our en suite and walked right past my bare ass while I screamed. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2 p.m. and screamed out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Hubby: Bless me wifey, for I have sinned... OP: You are forgiven, my hubby. Now go forth and sin no more... Hubby: What!? Hell no!!!! OP: Ok boys, hold him down and shave his head. If he doesn't repent, then continue with the pubes.
HelloGuys 4
You have to give your husband a blessing to go out with his friends?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (123)
bghernandez2011 14
I think she meant it was for the bachelor party the day before the wedding... Which definitely sucks if he had awesome hair.
bloodangel494 1
Lmao!!!!!!
Factor_fml 6
Why'd you want to be with an alcoholic? Life's hard enough as it is, why make it harder for yourself? Those people barged into your home without your permission, and your husband was the reason for it. That kind of thing could repeat any time in the future, do you really want to live wondering when that happens again?
digressions 13
Let me get this straigh: He's an alcoholic because he went out ONCE, and things got a little out of hand? That's exceedingly overdramatic. OP implied that this is not a regular occurance. Nobody "barged in without permission" - they had permission from the husband. Sure, it might not have been the smartest idea to come home with drunk friends in tow at 5am, but people don't tend to have excellent judgement while drunk. His wife knew where he was, what he was doing and who he was with (as she most certainly has a right to know, and vice-versa) and no real harm was done. Worst case scenario, if the wife works, she was a little tired at work that day. Hair grows back. Situations like this happen in relationships, and just because a person makes one not-so-smart choice does not make them despisable. Grow up.
jwidmayer 4
At least he came home with his buddies and not some random chick
cmb8280 24
Omg, why is this so hard for everyone to understand? Hubby says, "Hey babe, I'm gonna go out with the guys tonight." Wifey says, "That's cool, babe, have fun." This story does not make her a psycho, controlling wife, and it does not make him an alcoholic or a bad person! I would've either a. Laughed my ass off then grabbed a beer or b. Laughed my ass off then gone back to bed. Either way, NOT A BIG DEAL! Man y'all are crazy!! Talkin' about divorce and callin' cops and stuff...
LesaraRose 8
lmao i guess you won't do that again will you?
XxVulcanxX 0
hes an idiot
shellby4 3
So? I don't see the problem here! :p
Vk1 0
What's wrong with that? They could've been shaving your head.
ericaleigh808 0
sounds like a hairy situation!