Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML
Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML
Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML
Today, it was picture day and I had gotten my hair really nice and my outfit was perfect. Then, disaster: I was fidgeting with those squishy things filled with water and glitter, and it suddenly exploded. One second I'm playing with it, the next it's exploded all over my face. It's safe to say I truly shined in that picture. FML
Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML
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Top comments
aaaaa2p 0
Your wife sucks.
TheLoneWolf87 4
We seriously need a Who Gives A Damn About Twilight feature on FML.
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Comments (322)
SkinnyWALLrus 0
wow..... shes fantasizing about another man.... and trying to make you more like him.... just like those romance novels twilight is chick ****
darth1 18
Drug your wife, then cut her open and drink some of her blood, then you'll be like Edward. Don't forget to suck a fat one
Arghonaut 0
like why not Jacob?! he is like SO much cooler and like...
pegasus77 0
I'm sorry bout that. Take a shower, scrub your face off.
duffman5994 0
divorce! now!
jms08 0
Everyone jumps to divorce for the answer... Wow, that's sad.... YDI for not having a sense of humor and the rest of the "Twilight Haters" for not reading the book before posting garbage....
NEStendo 0
Sorry to disappoint you, but the grand majority of people who hate Twilight have valid reason. Like, they HAVE actually read the books, and genuinely dislike them. Besides, I fail to find any humor in waking up to find that my wife wants me to act more like a fictional character by "sparkling" like he would. That's downright ridiculous. I do agree, though, divorce isn't exactly necessary... yet.
ouknow123 2
Why would anyone want to read about sparkly gay vampires. Good vampires burst into flame in sunlight.
avatarnicole 13
I don't know about everyone else, but I actually DID read the entire series when I was 12. At the time, I thought it was not great, but as I've gotten older (and the movies came out - they were HORRIBLE), I realized how bad they were. Yes, some people do hate on stuff without having tried it, but I'm pretty sure more haters have read it than you think. I know that people can have their own opinions, but liking a series that says stalking is romantic, being abusive and controlling just means they love you, and that you should make stupid decisions and assume that someone will come save you is downright unhealthy. Twilight never should have been published, it has cult-like followers of dangerous "values". I feel bad for you OP. You should have a discussion with your wife. Divorce is a bit harsh, but if I were you I would tell her that if this kind of thing continues, you'll have to consider it. What she is doing is unhealthy for both of you, and if she's not happy being with YOU rather than and imaginary sparkling vampire, she doesn't deserve you.
JCadle90 0
that's stupid... enuff sound
icanfloat12 0
dress her up as a pornstar when she's sleeping then say you look like that pornstar from big blowers **** edition lol
tookietookie123 5
Dress her up as a **** and see how she feels....
Solaron 0
Wow. Is your wife just being playful or was she serious?