Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my partner by leaving a love letter on his car's windshield while he was at work. He texted me later saying, “You know you left that on my coworker’s car, right?” Now some stranger thinks I want to “snuggle forever.” FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML
Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML
Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML
Today, I drove three hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in three weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off, and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
OmniFML 0
Come back and write it with a baseball bat. It's the thought that counts. ;)
easylazy 0
You shouldn't jump to conclusions maybe she was having sex with YOU in the backseat DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?! No. THat's what I thought.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (200)
kukopia 0
Someone beat you to giving her a B-day present. See what happens to guys that do lame things like 'write Happy Bday on her car windows' instead of getting her a real B-day present... time for you to find a bf.
grrrrrg 0
shud have joined in... or filmed it.. could have made a bit of money
flipnfun9 0
to be honest i've had people write on my windows and stuff....it was followed by expensive jewelry in the morning....so maybe you shouldn't judge the poor guy....he could have just been doing something cute and innocent to start off the birthday celebration for his gf....you have no clue so quit judging him
Ocilator 0
dude...By the time i had gotten around to writing this FML, the other guy would've been in the hospital and it would have said "ex-girlfriend". Seriously grow a pair and solve the problem with mass violence :)
Guairdean 0
Too bad you didn't have a camera.
genius_man16 1
who said he didn't? I hope he did what #3 said
Niasyn 0
You should have busted open the door, tossed the idiot to the ground and reclaimed that shit.
vioh 0
Ugh... That was really sweet of you.. and.. just... erghhhh. Sucks for you, hope you opened the door on them and dumped her ass. =_=
Ahhitsme 0
#23 I get off mostly on penetration so yeah size matters or at least thickness. OP-dump the *****...
drinkupgorgeous 0
Wow. A lot of girlfriends on FML aren't faithful. Damn. I'm sorry, OP. FYL.
What_fut_YADY 0
That would be width.
ezy1014 0
should have busted opened the door and stabbed the f_cker in the face. and by f_cker i mean your gf. and by stab i mean with ur p3nis.
dubb420 15
I'd like to buy a vowel.