Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my partner by leaving a love letter on his car's windshield while he was at work. He texted me later saying, “You know you left that on my coworker’s car, right?” Now some stranger thinks I want to “snuggle forever.” FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML
Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML
Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML
Today, I drove three hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in three weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off, and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
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Top comments
OmniFML 0
Come back and write it with a baseball bat. It's the thought that counts. ;)
easylazy 0
You shouldn't jump to conclusions maybe she was having sex with YOU in the backseat DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?! No. THat's what I thought.
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Comments (200)
erroneousx2 0
HAHAHA number one! Thats exactly what I was going to say! She definately wants that Birthday Sex. Girl you know I-I-I..
FlaminYawn 0
dude, I'm sorry, she didn't tell me she had a boyfriend...
Teeheez 0
Ya right. Like ur the REAL guy she was gettin' busy with.
J_1182 2
You never know.
clarke7792 6
ur a ****
warrenthewalrus 0
What a major prick. I hope you broke up with her.
axislave 0
Hahah #13 that's ******* hilarious!!! Well it is her birthday and I guess you're not good enough (too short maybe?) so for your birthday you should just **** an other girl or ask for a threesome (with her mom maybe if she's a milf lol) or her best friend...but yeah whatever just go bang her bestfriend lol
Chfanfiction 0
Wait. Size matters? And why would you want to do that if you know your girlfriend is a cheating bitch? And why on earth would you want to have a threesome with her mom and her? There are so many things wrong with this...
axislave 0
Prude Americans...and yeah actually it does.
Chfanfiction 0
Why does thinking that having sex with another girl doesn't solve anything or having a threesome is just silly make me a prude? And how can size matter when there aren't any stimulatory organs in the cavity itself?
shortshan 0
Not really. There are men who don't know how to please a woman, and you're probably one of them. It's all about foreplay, working up to it, and hitting the right spots.
CandiApple 0
You have obviously never pleased a woman. The G-spot is located two inches up the ****** opposite the rectum. Silly boy.
atnikolov85 0
Size matters, but the length - not so much.
voveraite 7
People, not entering the size debate: what's up with all the "hook up with the mom/sister/best friend" advice? As if it only takes his will? As if the chances they'd accept aren't close to 0? Why give advice when it doesn't mostly depend on him whether it happens?
abdur 0
Ah the infamous "Scotty doesnt know." I was just gonna write that! you read my mind, sir!
sickinlove13 0
It's the motion of the ocean, not the size of the boat. ha I love that phrase.
metalcrash 0
what is a milf?
Sickle 0
should've written on the car- i agree #5.
Delilahlilah 0
Ouch!
maupa 0
You should've try to photo it somehow, and show it to her parents... Stupid bitch. I'm sorry for you, matey.
FML53 0
That's really messed up you need to let her go
mister_moops 0
jeez, that's terrible. sorry.
nunes_fml 0
I'd go for car fire. CAR FIRE!