Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most...

By Wex - Chile

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

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24840

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Miscellaneous

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Peaky Bladders

What did I do?

By Anonymous - 3/5/2020 23:00

Great boyfriend

Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My man is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2280

You deserved it

507

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By nikkei

Bullet = Dodged

Today, while paying for dinner, my card declined and my date immediately left. The waitress then ran my card again successfully. FML

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3127

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197

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By no good deed... etc

Well Well Well

Today, I tried to surprise my mom and wash her car while she was away. Today, I also found out how gross our well water is. The car looks worse than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2857

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373

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By D - United States

Today, I was having a rough day and decided to go out for a walk at 1 a.m. to clear my head. I ended up being driven home by two cops, who thought I was prostituting myself at the truck stop. When we arrived, they had a nice conversation with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34552

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By thanks ma - 29/5/2020 02:00

Today, on Judge Judy…

Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

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1914

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

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35352

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By loser - United States

Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45604

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By StephD - Canada

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

19154

You deserved it

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By Ellen - Norway

Today, I was browsing a website where you can talk to strangers anonymously, when I met a guy I really hit it off with. After talking for two hours, we decided to keep in touch, just in time for me to hit the "Next Person" button by mistake. There's no way to undo it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14409

You deserved it

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By noraidk - United States

Today, a few friends and I ran through sprinklers at our school until we were all soaked. Then we were told that they put fertilizer in the water. I'm soaked in manure. Now I know why it tasted weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12758

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By Justme - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60526

You deserved it

3845

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By Zkroger - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year denied in front of everyone that we ever dated. FML

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54851

You deserved it

5006

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By moe - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34892

You deserved it

3916

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Market crash

Today, my son took some of my underwear to school. What's worse is he sold it to his classmate for $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1688

You deserved it

136

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By TrashlifeKaylala

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Today, my father once again sat me and my boyfriend of a year down to have another "talk." These "talks" are always something negative against our relationship, and how it’s not up to his standards. We’ve explained numerous times why he’s wrong. My father is about to make me single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1699

You deserved it

161

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By hAHAha Halo - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45741

You deserved it

5122

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By MBoomer

Today, I found a great parking spot but I wasn't sure if it was restricted by any means or of I could just park there for free. I asked a police officer walking by and he told me it was alright, only to come back 4 hours later to find a ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11317

You deserved it

935

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By lonleystoner91 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31954

You deserved it

7615

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By hangman - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48624

You deserved it

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By justonce - United States - Williamstown

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

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45197

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By Ryoichi - Germany

Today, it was my dad's retirement. He is traditional Japanese, so I had custom-ordered a samurai sword from a traditional Japanese blacksmith with dad's name engraved on the blade in kanji script. He loved it, right up til my drunk cousin tried to use it to cut down a tree and snapped it in two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29770

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By annoyed - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37082

You deserved it

2742

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By bestbfever

Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML

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4727

You deserved it

386

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By cakehater - United States

Kids these days…

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

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29214

You deserved it

2408

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working at my job as a cashier, checking out an elderly woman's groceries. She was very nice, and we chatted for a couple minutes. Once she had paid, she leaned close to me and said, very politely, "I'm so so sorry that I mistook you for a girl at first, young man." I AM a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36038

You deserved it

4900

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By BDSM4Jesus - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34988

You deserved it

4516

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54701

You deserved it

28326

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By disgusted - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30768

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Round Rock

Today, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. We're very close, and I called my boyfriend, really needing some support. I'd barely told him what had happened, when he replied, "Babe, I'm in the middle of a game here. Call me later." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53194

You deserved it

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By ouch - United States

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11860

You deserved it

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By Douche - 31/7/2020 23:01

Karma chameleon

Today, I flew from Texas to meet my new girlfriend's family in Georgia. Turns out her sister was a random hookup I had a year earlier on a business trip, she remembered me as the douchebag with premature ejaculation. Guess who’s flying home single? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1013

You deserved it

1738

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20135

You deserved it

4111

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By Kevin - United States

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10126

You deserved it

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By raven_of_azarath

Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1453

You deserved it

285

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "Cars" by Gary Numan

Today, I ran a stop sign that was completely obscured by foliage, in a city I was unfamiliar with. A city bus then T-boned me. My car is now totalled, and I’m afraid this will now go to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

378

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46320

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8453

You deserved it

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By xx-look-at-xx - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48198

You deserved it

19796

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By hatestomove - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs carrying a huge TV. Don't worry, my body cushioned the TV's fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33589

You deserved it

4906

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By Anonymous

My 21st birthday

Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML

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7977

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Top comments

By JFox | 8

#21120 - Sunday 8 March 2009 8:55

Ouch! Let's hope no one posts them...

By oopsie_daisy8446 | 0

#506500 - Saturday 22 August 2009 5:10

Holy shit, sorry OP. I'm just picturing that happening to me, but fuck it, let her butt-fuck you. It'll be amazing and you'll forget all about the theft.

COMMENTS

By JFox | 8

#21120 - Sunday 8 March 2009 8:55

Ouch! Let's hope no one posts them...

Boomi | 38

#6686859 - Saturday 10 September 2016 7:17

Chances are someone will...

By Fcukmywholelife | 0

#300541 - Saturday 13 June 2009 11:23

That sucks =(

By vooper | 0

#329014 - Monday 22 June 2009 5:45

Well sir, your bound to find it on your own eventually.

By oopsie_daisy8446 | 0

#506500 - Saturday 22 August 2009 5:10

Holy shit, sorry OP. I'm just picturing that happening to me, but fuck it, let her butt-fuck you. It'll be amazing and you'll forget all about the theft.

By mrdecay | 2

#581908 - Wednesday 23 September 2009 15:29

welcome to the uk.

By dacman48 | 0

#761632 - Friday 8 January 2010 6:33

ur just mad cause u lost all ur homemade porn

By Shamzzz | 0

#849745 - Friday 12 February 2010 23:43

You can't exactly tape memories I think. You think memories and tape memorable events.

By gomego87 | 0

#927772 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 5:54

OMG! so it was your camera I found in the UK the other day.. jksjks

By zezjo | 3

#977568 - Sunday 11 April 2010 3:46

Wait... did they have sex on camera? Or just visited places etc.?

AkDreamer5 | 0

#1718224 - Thursday 18 November 2010 13:53

win:)

By NeatNit | 32

#979758 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 12:58

That's hardly an FML, you still have the memories.