Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most...

By Wex - Chile

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

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Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Our house, in the middle of our street

Freak out

By Me - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

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49299

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By VibeCheck

Hangover blues

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

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529

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1706

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By mkonda - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

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11896

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797

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

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21393

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenixville

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14514

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1328

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By kufan1324 - United States

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

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38071

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By stutterernotschizophrenic

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

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26698

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By 0867142 - Canada

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML

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34913

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

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31900

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6344

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By gymnasticscoach - United States

Today, a kid I coach on a regular basis was talking to me about what I did outside of work. After we were done with the conversation, she told me with a straight face that I need to get a life and get a boyfriend. She's 10. And she's right. FML

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57866

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By Anonymous

Today, I was hungover and had to run to put the rubbish out for the bin lorry, only I was so hungover I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1300

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By samboob - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

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9089

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By colorblind - United States

Today, I found one of those online color blindness tests where you have to distinguish a colored number from the pattern. Not being able to, I spent hundreds of dollars on medical tests to discover that the pattern online was a joke. FML

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14424

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By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

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27825

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

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56083

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 20:08

Alexa, play "I don't want to talk about it" by Rod Stewart

Today, my man believes he could never be the cause of a breakup. His strategy for eternal love? Try not to feel anything, and if you do, do NOT show it or talk about it. Just completely refuse to engage with your partner in any meaningful way. No fighting equals happiness. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1288

You deserved it

214

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By CandyMachine - United States

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29752

You deserved it

9805

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By 94lbs of muscle

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

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56308

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By tattooapprentice

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

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2732

You deserved it

409

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By cheated - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

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41457

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By illjustlimpthen - United States - Waukesha

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

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25417

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By Brianna Weltmire - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

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34765

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2722

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By HairyBoobs - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

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43303

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By Username - France

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

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12669

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By screamer - United States - Paso Robles

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

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14891

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By wtf - United States

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

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41745

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3855

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By loud sweeper

Mrs Heckles?

Today, my batshit crazy downstairs neighbor threatened me with "legal action" for making too much noise. According to her, it’s "illegal" for people in upstairs apartments to use vacuum cleaners, therefore I must sweep my carpets to avoid disturbing her and her imaginary guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2031

You deserved it

121

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By Bella

Today, I finally managed to kiss the guy of my dreams. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, and he softly said, "You know I'm dating another girl right now, right?" FML

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3096

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512

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By Squashed - United States

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

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53033

You deserved it

22818

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By TheLemon - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

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7778

You deserved it

548

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By Gay younger brother

About that...

Today, my brother came out to our parents. They weren't super happy with it, but they said that it was ok since they still had a straight son. I don't know how to tell them that I'm gay too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4492

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483

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By ToddlersWife - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

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49191

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28781

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1770

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend informed me I need to stop staying up all night, because it's "really sketchy" and he feels "uncomfortable" not knowing what I'm doing, and why I'm awake. I'm an insomniac, I have been my whole life, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1788

You deserved it

141

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By underemployed - United States

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34605

You deserved it

4892

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By manutdlol - Malaysia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36422

You deserved it

6450

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By bunnylover - Canada

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27016

You deserved it

3479

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By Sebastian20 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44244

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15586

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By annoyed - United States

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25094

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

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24786

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Top comments

By JFox | 8

#21120 - Sunday 8 March 2009 8:55

Ouch! Let's hope no one posts them...

By oopsie_daisy8446 | 0

#506500 - Saturday 22 August 2009 5:10

Holy shit, sorry OP. I'm just picturing that happening to me, but fuck it, let her butt-fuck you. It'll be amazing and you'll forget all about the theft.

COMMENTS

By JFox | 8

#21120 - Sunday 8 March 2009 8:55

Ouch! Let's hope no one posts them...

Boomi | 38

#6686859 - Saturday 10 September 2016 7:17

Chances are someone will...

By Fcukmywholelife | 0

#300541 - Saturday 13 June 2009 11:23

That sucks =(

By vooper | 0

#329014 - Monday 22 June 2009 5:45

Well sir, your bound to find it on your own eventually.

By oopsie_daisy8446 | 0

#506500 - Saturday 22 August 2009 5:10

Holy shit, sorry OP. I'm just picturing that happening to me, but fuck it, let her butt-fuck you. It'll be amazing and you'll forget all about the theft.

By mrdecay | 2

#581908 - Wednesday 23 September 2009 15:29

welcome to the uk.

By dacman48 | 0

#761632 - Friday 8 January 2010 6:33

ur just mad cause u lost all ur homemade porn

By Shamzzz | 0

#849745 - Friday 12 February 2010 23:43

You can't exactly tape memories I think. You think memories and tape memorable events.

By gomego87 | 0

#927772 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 5:54

OMG! so it was your camera I found in the UK the other day.. jksjks

By zezjo | 3

#977568 - Sunday 11 April 2010 3:46

Wait... did they have sex on camera? Or just visited places etc.?

AkDreamer5 | 0

#1718224 - Thursday 18 November 2010 13:53

win:)

By NeatNit | 32

#979758 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 12:58

That's hardly an FML, you still have the memories.